This is so clever, Ann. I particularly like the way you have structured the verse.
The breaks in the lines give an air of breathlessness – reminding me of my child self bursting (or "tearing-in") through the flyscreen door at home on hot summer evenings, and being scolded by parents who were afraid I would let in mozzies. And of course, I recall all too painfully the fact that sometimes such exuberant entry resulted in a torn screen, and ended in "tears".
Thank you for the memories!
July 10th, 2013 at 9:01 am
fresh tears
her new summer dress
torn by the screen door
July 11th, 2013 at 7:47 am
Wonderful haiku, by itself, and also how it relates to Ann Schwader's haiku.
July 10th, 2013 at 9:19 am
I like a good HOMOGRAPH and this poem:
fresh tear
in the screen door
summer arrives
remains open to the reader which is vital.
Of course we must presume it's a small rip in the screen door, perhaps the door wasn't respected in colder seasons.
I wonder if it's a biting insect that 'announces' the arrival of Summer.
Excellent work allowing a reader to expand within the poem.
Alan, With Words
July 10th, 2013 at 10:49 am
aww, the memories this one brings back!
July 10th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
I too like the way it suggests rather than spells out … and somehow makes me smile in instant response even so.
July 10th, 2013 at 8:41 pm
itching rheums
runny nose all day
monsoon
–R.K.Singh
July 10th, 2013 at 11:45 pm
This is so clever, Ann. I particularly like the way you have structured the verse.
The breaks in the lines give an air of breathlessness – reminding me of my child self bursting (or "tearing-in") through the flyscreen door at home on hot summer evenings, and being scolded by parents who were afraid I would let in mozzies. And of course, I recall all too painfully the fact that sometimes such exuberant entry resulted in a torn screen, and ended in "tears".
Thank you for the memories!
Strider
September 5th, 2013 at 11:54 pm
hermes