with my child
on my shoulder, I walk
in the long rain
carrying the heaviness
of shattered dreams


15 Responses

  1. Ellen Grace Olinger Says:

    Dear Ramesh Anand,

    An excellent poem, with great emotion expressed so well.

    I wrote this a few years after my mother's passing:

    taking turns
    letting each other go
    only to learn again
    how love grows,
    Mother

    Ellen
    (Bell's Letters Poet, No. 115, Jan. 2006)

  2. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Ellen, Thanks for the appreciation. I like your tanka very much. Emotion brought out effortlessly.

  3. Marie Shimane Says:

    Deeply touching. When my stepdaughter died eight years ago, I wrote this:

    another July
    no new memories to add
    living on the old

  4. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Marie, thanks for the response and for sharing the common feeling through a wonderfully creafted ku. deeply touching too.

  5. kalaramesh Says:

    Well done, Ramesh.
    I love your Ls 4 & 5
    _kala

  6. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Thanks a lot, Kala.
    Your continous voice to keep L5 strong in a tanka in IN haiku forum has helped me a lot!

  7. Alan Summers Says:

    Love the lines, and pauses:

    with my child
    on my shoulder, I walk
    in the long rain
    carrying the heaviness
    of shattered dreams

    —Ramesh Anand

  8. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Thanks Alan for the appreciation.

  9. AnithaVarma Says:

    Way to go, Ramesh..

  10. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Thanks Anitha for the encouragement.

  11. sanjuktaa Says:

    Beautiful tanka, Ramesh! Well done!

  12. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Thanks Sanjuktaa for your beautiful response. It is feeling nice to have so much great responses.

  13. Pravat Says:

    Nicely textured poem!

  14. Ramesh Anand Says:

    Thanks Pravat Sir for the appreciation.

  15. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Like Kala, I love lines 4 & 5, Ramesh.

    Also, for me, the point where this evolves from being a description of a parent simply carrying a sleepy child and moves towards a moment of sadness is L3

    'in the long rain'

    I think the use of 'long' is effective here as a turning point. And then the end is heartbreaking.

    marion

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