Not so long ago modern Japanese haiku writers suggested keywords over kigo, some work, some don't, for both Japanese haiku and Rest of the World haiku.
There is a natural [soft] pause after eulogy, very subtle.
An extremely strong modern haiku with a suggestion of autumn as per Haiku Apprentice aka Peter Strider's account.
After more than half a year away from Tinywords, I returned today and the poignancy of this poem strikes me as a personal reproach for all the reasons I have been neglecting poetry.
Claudette is a masterful haiku poet, and she regularly manages to arouse that wabi melancholy that I associate with Shiki. Several of her poems previously published on Tinywords deal with reflections on personal grief, and each of them have been profoundly affecting.
One of the ways a great poet manifests their mastery of the art is through the creative exploration of form. Of course most haiku apprentices would be aware of how the Japanese immortals like Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki experimented with and at times deliberately violated the strict "rules" of classical haiku in some of their works. When I read this haiku by Claudette I count the syllables, not to see if she has "failed", but precisely to better appreciate how she has crafted the poem to match the subject matter. A "eulogy" for a brother is surely one of the most difficult speeches someone can give. It is a "formal" occasion, and there is the expectation of "controlling" yourself despite the deep emotion of loss. Yet, as anyone who has ever given one would know, it is not possible to deliver such a eulogy without cracks showing and our voice wavering. I read this haiku in the same light – formality cannot contain the subject matter without doing an injustice to the subject, to oneself, or the form!
Indeed, most people find their lives turned "upside down" by an unexpected death, and I read the inverted syllabic arrangement as a representation of this experience.
As for kigo, while not obligatory in English-language haiku, I believe the word "eulogy" in Claudette's poem is definitely such a word, comparable to the traditional autumn season kigo "haka mairi" or "grave-visit". And there is a very definite caesura at the end of the first line, separating the context from the reflection.
My condolences to Claudette, and my thanks for sharing such a personal, poignant and powerful haiku.
June 5th, 2015 at 2:49 pm
Claudette Russell-very nice thought not quite 5-7-5 but a powerful image. Michael Lee Johnson, Itasca, IL. poet.
June 5th, 2015 at 3:18 pm
I don’t have a brothher but I do have sons…
June 5th, 2015 at 3:18 pm
I don’t have a brother but I do have sons…
June 5th, 2015 at 9:42 pm
Oh, that hits hard. Poignant and to the point.
(And a haiku doesn't need to be 5-7-5. The nice people of Japan have asked the rest of the world to not worry about that.)
June 6th, 2015 at 7:04 am
__Kigo, caesura… ?
June 8th, 2015 at 9:23 am
Not so long ago modern Japanese haiku writers suggested keywords over kigo, some work, some don't, for both Japanese haiku and Rest of the World haiku.
There is a natural [soft] pause after eulogy, very subtle.
An extremely strong modern haiku with a suggestion of autumn as per Haiku Apprentice aka Peter Strider's account.
June 6th, 2015 at 5:00 pm
After more than half a year away from Tinywords, I returned today and the poignancy of this poem strikes me as a personal reproach for all the reasons I have been neglecting poetry.
Claudette is a masterful haiku poet, and she regularly manages to arouse that wabi melancholy that I associate with Shiki. Several of her poems previously published on Tinywords deal with reflections on personal grief, and each of them have been profoundly affecting.
One of the ways a great poet manifests their mastery of the art is through the creative exploration of form. Of course most haiku apprentices would be aware of how the Japanese immortals like Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki experimented with and at times deliberately violated the strict "rules" of classical haiku in some of their works. When I read this haiku by Claudette I count the syllables, not to see if she has "failed", but precisely to better appreciate how she has crafted the poem to match the subject matter. A "eulogy" for a brother is surely one of the most difficult speeches someone can give. It is a "formal" occasion, and there is the expectation of "controlling" yourself despite the deep emotion of loss. Yet, as anyone who has ever given one would know, it is not possible to deliver such a eulogy without cracks showing and our voice wavering. I read this haiku in the same light – formality cannot contain the subject matter without doing an injustice to the subject, to oneself, or the form!
Indeed, most people find their lives turned "upside down" by an unexpected death, and I read the inverted syllabic arrangement as a representation of this experience.
As for kigo, while not obligatory in English-language haiku, I believe the word "eulogy" in Claudette's poem is definitely such a word, comparable to the traditional autumn season kigo "haka mairi" or "grave-visit". And there is a very definite caesura at the end of the first line, separating the context from the reflection.
My condolences to Claudette, and my thanks for sharing such a personal, poignant and powerful haiku.
Strider
June 7th, 2015 at 4:05 am
This is powerfully poignant, Claudette and it reads with a wonderful rhythm. Welldone!
June 7th, 2015 at 5:10 am
estranged brother
an eye on the weather
in his part of the world
June 7th, 2015 at 10:12 am
Thanks to all who commented!
June 8th, 2015 at 9:24 am
.
steak & mushroom pie
my new-found uncle insists
I call him brother
Alan Summers
Publications credits: Blithe Spirit vol. 19 no. 4 (2009)
.
June 8th, 2015 at 11:54 am
I'll be calling my brother later. Can poetry really have any greater effect than to change a reader's behavior? Thank you.
June 8th, 2015 at 3:28 pm
A very, very touching poem, Claudette – the tragic realisation that it is too late to get to know someone properly.
(It is also great to see the return of Strider return for his insightful comments!)
marion
June 10th, 2015 at 10:49 pm
Good
June 13th, 2015 at 4:43 am
Alas …
June 15th, 2015 at 11:41 pm
Thoroughly enjoying this series of tinywords and the insightful responses. Coffee and bite sized poetry for stolen moments
September 28th, 2020 at 2:01 pm
only the wake
at the river's bend
autumn light