the part of
   town th
    at us
      ed to
        be h
          er
        e

14 Responses

  1. chief276 Says:

    For me, this catches both an experience and the feeling that goes with it. Well done. Bill K

    more dead-end streets
    than I remembered . . .
    my home town

  2. Marilyn Hazelton Says:

    Lovely! Yes . . .

  3. Gary Michael Dault Says:

    Very nice.

  4. kalaramesh Says:

    Wow!
    Truly a lovely haiku, Alan
    Congratulations!

  5. Jean LeBlanc Says:

    Love this, and I love chief276's haiku in response.

  6. Alan Bern Says:

    Very, very nice indeed.
    I like both typographic displays, but my first choice is the one on the website here with the final "e" a space back.

  7. Jan Benson Says:

    Alan, this is topical here in North Texas.
    Lots of news footage and year-after survival stories on the 12 plus tornadoes that hit.
    Biggest was an F4 and on the ground in Rowlett four more than 4 minutes. Several have rebuilt or patched together their lives, more have not.

    Effective use of form, and that dangle-behind “e”.
    Jan

  8. janewilliams Says:

    Terrific …

  9. Valentina Says:

    It took a second before I realized it was a tornado-shaped poem.

  10. David J Kelly Says:

    An elegant concrete haiku, Alan.

    I think Carlos Colon would have appreciated this one.
    Did you know he was a fan of your work?

  11. Alan Says:

    Thanks. I was lucky enough to meet Carlos as we checked out of the hotel at the HSA meeting in Schenectady last year.

  12. a sweet machine Says:

    Recognised this as a concrete poem but tornadoes didn’t come to mind. I saw the ku as a plume of rising smoke and the name of Aleppo. No doubt a sign of a good poem is its capacity for differing interpretations.

    I like the way the juxt of this ku sits between its linear information content and unorthodox shape. I felt compelled to read a cut/juxt after ‘here’ despite there being no obvious indicator. Was this meant deliberately as a way of illustrating the narrator’s sense of disbelief at seeing the disruption or destruction of the world as they know it?

    Nice haiku, SeƱor Bridges.

  13. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    How interesting, Alan – perhaps it's because we don't get tornadoes here in Ireland, but I read this as the narrator walking down an old, familiar path that eventually disappears because it is now overgrown. It worked for me with that reading, but I like the fact that it's tornado-shaped even more! :)

    marion

  14. hoa khai truong Says:

    I love!…I think Carlos Colon would have appreciated this one.

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