final prognosis different clouds on the horizon


35 Responses

  1. Gatry Michael Dault Says:

    ""prognosis" won't do.
    Too clunky.

    final clouds
    slumbering
    on the horizon.

  2. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Oh, how I wish it had been as poetic as this, Gatry.

    Thanks for commenting.

    marion

  3. Alison L Hedlund Says:

    A mix of different kinds of words is effective. Prognosis is powerful.

  4. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thanks for that vote of confidence, Alison.

    marion

  5. Patsy Says:

    Hmm, yes that's prettier – but to me it doesn't doesn't express the same hard to digest emotion. It's a 'nice' view of loss, expressed by an onlooker.

  6. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    You have nailed it here, Patsy – cancer is not pretty.

    marion

  7. d. f. tweney Says:

    Gary, I want to be clear: tinywords is not a workshop site. We're looking for responses to the haiku and micropoems published here, or for polite comments. Not critiques. There are plenty of other places to critique or workshop haiku.

  8. Alan Summers Says:

    .
    final prognosis different clouds on the horizon

    —MARION CLARKE

    I am so sorry for your loss. Even without knowing a little background, I would know this is a close member of your family.

    Those first two words really hit hard and yet you do something magical with the next words. Haunting, poignant, and yet oddly uplifting as we make precious of what little time any of us have left.

    warm regards,

    Alan

  9. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    I love your reading, Alan. Thank you.

    marion

  10. Karen Lee Ramos Says:

    I disagree with Gatry Michael Dault…"prognosis" is key to the authenticity of this piece. I'm also not sure it refers to the loss of a loved one. I took it to be about a literal change in some health related journey and how that now impacts the view of the future. Either way, I love the chosen imagery. Very nice.

  11. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Karen. Yes that word was key. This referred to events leading up to the death of my youngest sister from cancer a few months ago. Thank you for commenting.

    marion

  12. Karen Lee Ramos Says:

    I am deeply sorry for your loss…thank you for sharing your words.

  13. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Karen. I miss her so much.

    marion

  14. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Great monostich, Marion.

  15. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Maggie – so lovely to hear from you! Thank you for commenting.

    marion

  16. Sue Burke Says:

    ice storm
    chemotherapy
    postponed

  17. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    This is so hard hitting, Sue, thank you for sharing.

    marion

  18. janewilliams Says:

    This was powerful for me too; anyone facing serious illness of self or a loved one knows those sometimes heavy, sometimes teasing, shape-shifting clouds, and that horizon of hope … thank you.

    test results conclusive still I ask the same question

  19. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Jane. There was always hope, even when the prognosis seemed bad. That's why the end result still devastated.

    Sorry you experienced this. Your monostich nails it.

    marion

  20. Alison L Hedlund Says:

    Very moving

  21. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Alison.

    marion

  22. Jan Benson Says:

    I’m pleased your weighty haiku made it in the early part of the new year, where hope abounds. In all of our bright hope, there are some who traveled into it with cloud disturbances trailing.

    Jan Benson

  23. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thanks for your kind words, Jan. Yes, cloud disturbances trailing pretty much sums it up.

    marion

  24. Barbara Kaufmann Says:

    This one touched me deeply, as do so many of your poems, Marion. Well done.

  25. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    That's so kind of you to say, Barbara. Thank you.

    marion

  26. Karen Harvey Says:

    Deeply touching. What a difference a day makes. Thank you.

  27. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thanks, Karen. Indeed.

    marion

  28. marykendall Says:

    I'm so sorry about your sister's passing, Marion. This is a beautiful and deeply touching poem. Those first two words are so powerful…and then the magic comes.

  29. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you so much, Mary.

    marion

  30. Dawn Apanius Says:

    beautiful & thought-provoking.

  31. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you, Dawn.

  32. Patsy Says:

    Well done, Marion.

  33. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thanks, Patsy.

  34. hoa tang le Says:

    anyone facing serious illness of self or a loved one knows those sometimes heavy

  35. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you for commenting, hoa.

    marion

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