the old red barn stands
all doors and windows missing
the rain falls inside


—Maurice Rivard
        

copyright 2001 maurice rivard

About the author: maurice rivard
snowman_cape at yahoo.com
hyannis,ma.

Responses to the haiku for 30 January 2001 by Maurice Rivard

  1.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-09-08 22:50:34
     

    extremely wordy, superfluous, (verbose);
    here's a possible remake, not to say it should be made over this way, simply my thoughts on how effective it could have been.


    rain-
    old red barn
    uncovered openings


    at times, you can be overly descriptive, informative, or simply wordy.

  2.  
    Vasile Moldovan (vasilemoldovan at yahoo dot com)
    2004-11-23 01:32:51
     

    It is rain...it's rain -
    within the old red barn
    a new grey pond

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-05-25 18:17:21
     

    seeds in winter
    on the ground --
    abandon barn doors

  4.