on a sleepless night
counting chirps of a cricket...
train whistle sounds out


—bobby michael richardson
        

About the author: bobby michael richardson
orgbob at webtv.net

"my haiku tend to be more epigrammatic and offer commentary, often ironic, on the world or universe at large. which is not to say one approach is better than the other, but merely different --"

Responses to the haiku for 24 October 2002 by bobby michael richardson

  1.  
    yoshi
    2003-04-20 20:55:56
     

    I don't know. This haiku seems a bit too much of a poetic cliche with forced syllabication--in an effort to come close to the 5-7-5. I'm sorry but this poem seems to lack satori.
    It's also worth mentioning that epigrams are very different from haiku.

  2.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-20 22:05:36
     

    yoshi, you sound indecisive.

    one should remember, the haiku is poetic, while all poetry is not the haiku.

    from it's birth, the haiku has undergone changes, leaving it hardly resembling the original creation.

    5-7-5 for some is a guideline
    just as 3 lines are though to be the norm, in some circles 4 lines are accepted.

    "satori", i weighed this term.

    you do realize it is the japanese word for "ah ha".

    the broad explanation of satori, exploitation of the mind, sense of joy that comes from learning,
    one's journey towards personal enlightenment, individualism, patience, and strength of character, one being discipline to handle life's challenges, peace, tranquility, harmony, and today, even a web system.

    to be cont.

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-20 22:07:30
     

    yoshi, continuing:

    "epigram", with my free hand i sized this term.

    question, are you applying the term to any very short poem - whether amatory, elegiac, meditative, complimentary, anecdotal, or satiric - which is polished, terse, and pointed; often ending with a surprising or witty turn of thought.
    true, epigrams are supposedly different from the haiku, however, without thinking, i would say you have described the haiku.

    the hybrid haiku, aren't they all.


    after all is said, i missed your point.

    i did appreciate your comment

  4.  
    prado chekov
    2005-08-17 15:20:35
     

    bobby,
    you should have taken yoshi's advice,
    instead of becoming defensive. his point
    was very obvious... another poor attempt
    at someting you think of as poetry. i see
    you have a difficult time accepting criticism.
    prado


    dripping paint
    on his shoes...
    my buddy calls it art

  5.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-08-17 18:38:08
     

    prado,
    you've failed to convince me as to why i should take yoshi's advice
    i am (not offended) nor have i become defensive.

    prado, i am amused at your effort to debate with me.
    by the way, there is art to paint tripped on one's shoes; think about it.

    prado, i'm assuming you meant "something" instead of "someting".

  6.  
    prado chekov
    2005-08-17 19:26:44
     

    bobby,
    i assume you meant "dripped" instead
    of "tripped" if not, you've tripped
    over your tongue. what yoshi didn't
    say, i will, your "poem" is too
    wordy.
    prado


    woken
    by the cricket
    who lulled me to sleep

  7.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-08-17 22:19:17
     

    prado,
    i thought i'd give you a chance to correct me, however you failed to grasp my humor

    i'm wondering where you've been for the past several years; that was established a long time ago, i am a very verbose individual. if i could, i'd write every haiku as a long story;
    but the bigger question remains, why should i or anyone else write according to your standards, or lack thereof.

  8.  
    prado chekov
    2005-08-18 12:12:56
     

    bobby,
    you can write the way you want. i've
    found good criticism to be priceless.
    how can you say "lack thereof?" send
    your poems out beyond tiny words and see
    how many of them are published. critism
    doesn't mean your being attacked.


    hazy moon
    i close my eyes
    to see it better

  9.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-08-18 14:52:51
     

    prado,
    criticism covers a vast spectrum, the beauties, the faults, even professional courtesy/patronizing.
    (good) criticism being priceless, the jury remains out.
    "your standards or lack thereof", i do not know you; from the words we've exchanged, i hesitate in being judgemental. you are whatever, be it full of substance or not; this said not to be harsh.

    bottom line, i am a compulsive writer/speaker.

    i'm satisfied, being read in tinywords

    prado, i live for these moments

  10.  
    prado chekov
    2005-08-18 16:20:38
     

    bobby,
    are you familiar with raymond carver's
    work? he rewrote, edited, etc his short
    stories constantly. there are 20-30
    versions of some stories. i don't believe
    a piece of writing is ever "finished,"
    be it a novel, or a haiku. of course
    i realize you may have a hundred versions
    of this haiku. you know, i believe in
    rewriting, carver taught this
    very well.


    spring cleaning
    i find thirty versions
    of her spring cleaning haiku

  11.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-08-19 07:14:46
     

    prado,
    the raymond carver who penned "happiness", "bobber", "fear", and "your dog dies"; sad his life filled tragedies, most writings on his sorrows are toned down and/or omitted.
    you've lost me, prado what does carver have to do with our ongoing discussion; at this juncture, we need to take this away from tinywords.
    i can't recall my giving much time/thought to reading a (rewrite).

    i am unfamiliar with any haiku(s) by carver.

    do you care to share?

  12.  
    prado chekov
    2005-08-19 18:10:46
     

    bobby,
    i don't think the message could have been any clearer. rewriting is a requisite to excellent
    writing. wake up man!
    prado

  13.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-08-20 07:20:30
     

    my little prado,
    there is some vagueness to your words.
    when the author/writer rewrites to fine-tune his/her works is one thing. you left me with the conception of one's work being done a number of times, repeatedly, and each new rewrite is passed off to the public. in my own writings i rewrite again and again, i even do this in my mind. i trust we're finally on the same page.
    as i said before, "if i see where another's work is being done over, i'll pass on it".

  14.  
    prado chekov
    2005-09-21 16:06:57
     

    bobby,
    please tell me your kidding! i went to the purple
    echo website and found the poetry badly lacking,
    be honest with the girl, the site if pathetic.
    haiku is not metaphor, is not simile, and is not
    epigram!

  15.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-09-21 19:16:27
     

    prado, i kid you not. the site is refreshing. lately, haiku(s) have become senseless replicate(s) of one(s) which weren't understood in the first place.
    specify what you deem lacking about any (one) of the writings.
    people, in their "great wisdom", tend to overlook (unadulterated) beauty, while raving on and on about the cheap johnny-come-lately

  16.  
    prado chekov
    2005-09-21 20:02:02
     

    bobby,
    felicia has a "haiku" on the site in which
    she mentions "chilled grapes" and in the
    next line says, "frozen purple globes." granted,
    this is a nice image, but it's not haiku. i
    wouldn't call an apple a mouse. if a person
    writes similes and metaphors, they should call
    them similes and metaphors.

  17.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-09-22 17:49:10
     

    "Purple grapes
     in a frosted bowl
     - chilled violet globes", to be more precise.

    a simile nor a metaphor in the strictest sense

    prado, similes and metaphors have their places in haiku. if an apple reminds you of a mouse, why wouldn't you think of a mouse.
    think of the many things seen in a cloud

    your thoughts on:
    a dog is sleeping
    holding its head between the legs
    house of chrysanthemums

    (epigram): a short witty(satirical) poem

  18.  
    prado chekov
    2005-09-24 08:06:49
     

    bobby,
    i think felicia's poem lacks subtlety. similie
    and metaphor do have their place, but her
    comparison is too obvious.

    as for your poem, it's good, but i'd of written

    chrysanthemum house...
    a black dog sleeps
    with its head between its legs

    of course it's not my poem. please don't think of
    me as arrogant. i enjoy exchanging ideas with
    you.

    winter sunset
    a frosted bowl overflows
    with purple grapes

    prado

  19.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-09-25 17:40:27
     

    prado, first allow me to clarify, the haiku wasn't mine. the haiku had been written by kyoshi takahama (1874 ~ 1959)
    it was said of kyoshi "his haikus are not limited to a fixed style, several are splendid and virile, whereas others are subtle and delicate; several give free rein to his imagination, others describe simply daily facts. kyoshi's world is a true chaos, varied like a field full of wild flowers and grasses".
    more to come ...

  20.  
    prado chekov
    2005-09-28 16:19:29
     

    bobby,
    since this is kyoshi's poem, i wonder if the
    above translation is the best. i know nothing
    about translating japanes into english, though i do know there are differences in how individuals
    translate one language into another. that being said, i think the poem reads better this way...

    a dog sleeps
    with its head between its legs...
    chrysanthemum house

    and one dedicated to you...

    lonely night
    i check again
    for bob's response

  21.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-09-29 17:44:13
     

    aha, prado's you've glimpsed the (greater) picture. translators exhibit a weakness; too often not understanding what the author intended. many say, "know the rules before you break the rules", to this i'd add, "junk the rules, if one is simply imitating what one has read". personally, i disliked this kyoshi piece; but i enjoy takahama's work, i love his approach(free spirit). prado, never be fearful of doing your own thing, even if it flows against (the rules).

  22.  
    prado chekov
    2005-10-22 15:58:41
     

    bobby,
    just to say hope all is well with you.
    here in northern minnesota it's
    getting quite cold, and the trees are
    just about bare. i csn see duluth
    harbor through them. stay well,
    prado


    first frost
    i tape the hole
    in my shoe

  23.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-10-22 18:57:58
     

    northern minnesota, i've heard gets rather cold; but alas in south florida, "rather cold" means 50's for only a few hours over the course of a night. then, it's back to the 70's, until april. the palm trees never appear to be bare; even rarer the sight of holiday lights draping a palm.


    holiday card
    ice covered lake--
    hanging from a palm

  24.  
    prado chekov
    2006-03-08 16:04:41
     

    bobby,
    well, i miss the poems, i miss the comments,
    most of all i miss the repartee...you really
    did make tiny words a very thouight provoking
    place. hope all is well with you. best,
    prado

    spring walk
    mother forgets
    to take her cane

  25.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2006-03-09 08:11:00
     

    good morning prado, i appreciate the compliment; though i wasn't alone, you were there also.
    these days i continue to browse through the archives, dropping a comment here and there; feeling akin to johnny appleseed, in spring.
    prado, it doesn't surprise me how many have dropped away. there're literally hundreds of posted haiku(s) which are ripe for the picking; so now, i'm having a field day.

    this spring day
    winds raising the curtains--
    she hurriedly press down
    her dress

  26.