The whine of chainsaws
in morning's early light - -
ice storm in the south.


—Phil Price
        

This particular haiku was written after the ice storm of December 2002 which caused significant damage in our area as well as throughout North Carolina. As I cleared a tree that had fallen across our drive, I could hear chainsaws echoing all around.

About the author: I am Phil Price (age 51) and live in Greenville, SC. I enjoy the outdoors (gardening, hiking, fishing, exploring) much more than the confines of manmade structures. Thanks to the successful and enduring efforts of a favorite high school teacher, I enjoy most forms of literature and write the occasional poem or essay, generally about personal events along life's journey.

Responses to the haiku for 24 February 2003 by Phil Price

  1.  
    Bruce Kennedy
    2003-03-04 16:09:52
     

    I recommend that the author start the haiku with the phrase "ice storm". It's more visual than the sound of whining chainsaws, plus it conveys a sense of place. By starting with the visual, there then arises a sense of unfolding to the rest of the haiku: At first we don't know much about the ice storm (is it day/night, on-going storm/or has it passed, etc). Then we see the ice sparkling in the morning light. Then, to this, we add the sound of chainsaws (human activity) and this confirms that the ice storm has passed (which is probably what the author wanted to convey with the phrase "in the south").

    ice storm
    in morning's early light
    the whine of chainsaws

  2.  
    Craig McLanachan (cramar at actrix dot co dot nz)
    2003-03-06 01:18:59
     

    While I like this it took the paragraph to make it work entirely. May I suggest you swap line three for line one, I think this may lift the idea to your intention.

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-12-26 23:45:05
     

    hurricane warnings
    new brighter day cometh -
    doors open

  4.  
    john tiong chunghoo
    2004-02-03 09:05:26
     

    lumbering
    the whine in
    tribal hearts

  5.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-04 13:02:55
     

    in her voice a whine
    storming out the door at dawn's light --
    please stay

    -

  6.  
    martin
    2011-06-27 22:58:40
     

    tree ice
    sunlight inches down
    the bedroom chair

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