spring morning
sun and fresh paint
on the windowsill


—Fred Flohr
        

About the author: Fred Flohr, wf at zeelandnet.nl

I live in Holland and I love to read and write haiku, senryu, tanka, kyoka and haibun. I'm a musician and a painter as well.

 

Responses to the haiku for 31 March 2003 by Fred Flohr

  1.  
    Bill Waters
    2003-03-31 10:59:58
     

    Nice juxtaposition of sun and paint!

    :- )

  2.  
    shirley weese (sweese at island dot net)
    2003-03-31 12:54:40
     

    Not only can I see it, I can smell it. Yummy. Good one!

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-01 07:03:30
     

    i could almost see it, but not like shirley, i couldn't smell it.
    yet there was something off balance about this piece.
    so taking the advice of others, from before, i reread it.

    and there it was, the second line.
    perhaps being more descriptive of the sun's nature, in other words, "sunshine" would have done something magnificent.

    case in point:

    spring morning
    sunshine, fresh paint
    on the windowsill

    then i remembered shirley's smelling the fresh paint, then my mind began to roam. hmmm, spring morning, surely, there might have been some dew.
    of course it may have been late morning, but fred's piece had done the job of creating a vivid image. good work fred.
    so as i wait for the next haiku, i wonder if the paint was still wet, or if there was a "wet paint" sign, or even what was the color of the paint...

    this is the nature of a haiku, at least in "my opinion", to create so much, with so little being said. "brevity", right norman.

  4.  
    shirley weese (sweese at island dot net)
    2003-04-01 17:06:39
     

    You are right Bob! The word 'sunshine' is perfect! Still a good haiku though. Way to go!

  5.  
    Guy
    2003-04-01 18:14:28
     

    I liked it, and personally prefer the word "sun" rather than "sunshine". Nice short bio, too.

  6.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-04-02 07:57:26
     

    I like this poem as is, too. And I agree about short bios. As a very general observation, sometimes there are too many words around poems in various books, journals, etc. Sometimes the context is helpful, but sometimes the poems don't get to simply "be themselves." Having been a teacher, I have to remind myself of this all the time. Many thanks for tinywords...this forum is a good idea!

  7.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-02 13:03:21
     

    the question of bios appears to be in the air.

    upon reading any literary piece, i rarely if ever, practically never, caring less to read a bio.
    i am "almost" in agreement with ellen's thoughts on the pieces being themselves, or in my words, "standing on it's own merit".
    all too often, some are "brainwashed" into satisfaction by what an author has done previously, or what membership they possess, or what awards they may have garnered.

    the truly humble author labors in anonymity.

    ellen, i too, was once a teacher, and i constantly reminded myself, in order to teach effectively, one should be an exemplary student first, something i hold onto in my life, presently.
    a sin, one thinking all is learned, and there's no one who has anything remotely important to present, or worthwhile sharing .

    for all my words, the pleasure received is knowing someone somewhere is sharing my thoughts;

    "for the messenger is never to be more importance than the message..."

  8.  
    john tiong chunghoo (bagiruang at yahoo dot com)
    2004-01-12 10:07:17
     

    twirling into shape
    the artist's fruit

  9.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-05 19:11:07
     

    spring evening --
    moon and whispers
    in the air

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