after spring downpour
the swollen mountain spring
flows in my yard too


—Jasminka Nadaskic Diordievic
        

About the author: Jasminka Nadaskic Diordievic
Smederevo, Yugoslavia
e-mail: dior at sezampro.yu

I am from Yugoslavia. Computers (any kind of computers), poetry, haiku, art photography, mountain climbing ... it is my orientation. Professionally, I am an electrical engineer, but my soul is primarily a little piece of Nature.

 

Responses to the haiku for 9 April 2003 by Jasminka Nadaskic Diordievic

  1.  
    Guy
    2003-04-09 18:50:31
     

    It was perfect right up until "too". That word needs to go.

  2.  
    2003-04-09 19:31:27
     

    If 'too' goes, the whole sense goes. On first reading I understood this haiku, I believe, as it was intended. (I had the same experience a few short weeks ago).

    But on rereading, I have difficulty with the vocabulary; I don't find the repetition of the word 'spring' (albeit with different meanings) pleasing. Perhaps this repetition was your deliberate intention Jasminka. However, in general usage, a stream rather than a spring will swell and flow. A spring is the point where the water rises from the ground to form the source of the stream, and it really must be the stream that flows in my yard too

    I don't mean to be nitpicky, and as I said, on first reading I got the picture unblemished, but now I can't get past the wordage.

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-09 22:02:55
     

    after spring downpour
    swollen mountain spring...
    flows in my yard

    i ponder, why many desire to do so much, when less is best.

    norman, this spring is akin to seasonal, "i think".

  4.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-09 22:39:20
     

    norman, fearing even more confusion, this springs to mind, the first "spring" is seasonal, the second "spring" is relative to a stream.

    now, i think of all the things others are to spring upon me for my comment. due to the spring in my step, i am able to sidestep them all.
    if i were to weigh them all, the springs, in the scales, would probably break. then, when and if tomorrow should ever come, my associates are waiting to spring even more preposterous assumptions upon me...

  5.  
    john tiong chunghoo (bagiruang at yahoo dot com)
    2004-01-06 03:56:13
     

    dear jasminka, i really love this one.

    mine to complement:

    rain
    dances on scarlet leaves
    floating down river

  6.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-07 16:11:05
     

    her sudden outburst
    the crowds attention ...
    focus on me

    -

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