awaiting
friends
returning geese


—Gillena Cox
        

This haiku was written in response to a photo of geese in flight I had seen and linked with a real life experience waiting on a friend's return.

About the author: Now retired from the Government service where I worked from 1968 to 2003. Born February 1950. I am married to Anthony Cox since 1971; we have two children - a daughter Yanda; and a son Khama. Writing poetry is my dearest hobby. I enjoy the aspect of abstraction in haiku. Beside my writing I spend quiet time reading and crocheting. I also enjoy a challenging game of Scrabble. I am a member of the World Haiku Club and some of my poems appears at World Haiku Review, my work can also be read at The Heron's Nest, In Buddha's Temple, Charnwood, Wordchimes, and poetry.com My poetry site is PatchWork, poetry for the whole family.

 

Responses to the haiku for 17 April 2003 by Gillena Cox

  1.  
    2003-04-17 08:25:02
     

    This is my kind of haiku. Plenty of space in there for the reader to occupy and fill in the canvas.

    But a couple of minor points:
    I find the break between 1st and 2nd lines a little unnatural and at odds with the rhythm, partly because awaiting cannot stand alone, and begs an object. Gillena, what about:

    waiting
    for friends


    Waiting for and awaiting are identical in meaning, but waiting can stand alone. The total syllable count is unchanged, but redistributed from 3:1:4 to 2:2:4. I find the latter more pleasing, as that monosyllabic 2nd line felt very constraining. Also, the metrical symmetry between the 2 clauses in the original comes across as a bit twee, in my view.

    These are small things. It's a great haiku. I'm looking forward to visiting your site now Gillena.
    Contact

  2.  
    deborah russell (sellwein at hotmail dot com)
    2003-04-17 16:10:23
     

    I am a fan of your work, and also enjoy your haiku on Abe Mitsugu's forum, as well.

    The concise use of words makes this quite enjoyable.

    Arigatogozimase - Deborah

  3.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-04-17 16:34:22
     

    Very nice. Interesting to read about the poem's creation.

  4.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-18 08:14:00
     

    norman, it is stated what was being awaited, friends. after that, the picture gets rather murky. without gillena's explanation, this piece would not be so brilliant.
    at times, brevity serves no purpose, other than saving one ink or paper or thought. usage of one, two, or even three additional words would allow this writing to stand on it's own merit, without an explanation from it's author.

    a question comes to minds, why some "rush" to admit to things, while finding it hard to come to grips with, in the first place.

    on my first reading, "i assumed" the geese were her friends. "i think" i've found an ally in ellen. indeed, the poem's creation is intriguing.

    to be cont.

  5.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-18 08:16:16
     

    continuing:

    yes, deborah it is very concise and comprehensive, so concise in it's alluding to a broad range of situations.
    i ran to my dictionary to check the meaning of "enjoyable" and deborah's usage.
    it is wide in scope, somewhat counterproductive for brevity.
    the words were understandable, but the overall text was not, compare the author's explanation to the actual piece.

    reminds me of something from grade school.

    case in point:

    all cars are vehicles
    though all vehicles are NOT cars.

    the same could be said about the haiku.

    the haiku is a literary piece

    though all literary pieces are not to be considered a haiku; but then, they could be, if brevity was enforced...

  6.  
    lara
    2003-04-25 09:57:07
     

    GREAT HAIKU POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7.  
    2003-05-04 12:31:27
     

    I appreciate all the comments to this haiku. Norman Thanks for taking the time to comment and forward your suggestions. I love that about haiku. Actually I wrote this piece; as an inversion with line 3 being the fragment and lines 1 and 2 being the phrase. I wouldn't want to change 'awaiting' to 'waiting' though. I look forward to your visit at PatchWork. Please remember to sign the guest book.

  8.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-18 18:25:45
     

    saying goodbye
    lovers --
    the touch of finger tips

    -

  9.  
    gillena cox (bgeecee at wow dot net)
    2004-06-19 17:13:42
     

    Hi Bob, Nice of you to renga


    hand in hand
    the lovers retreat
    sunset

  10.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-01-01 03:37:55
     

    cry of the loon
    before sunrise --
    what will the new day bring

    -

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