breakfast together the silence about things that matter —Carol Raisfeld
This is the second place winner in the April 2003 tinywords haiku contest, winning the author a copy of Twenty Views from Mole Hill by Lidia Rozmus, published by Deep North Press, and a one-year subscription to the haiku magazine bottle rockets.
From the judges' comments: "This opens a whole Grand Canyon of possibilities. What are the things
that matter? Exquisite haiku." ... "One could see this poem as flawed for including interpretation, but I see the poet as being descriptive. It's a good statement of a basic human experience, one that is widely shared."
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It took a few readings, but how incredibly lovely. Thanks
even with the first reading, there was this "depth" preconception.
i felt the "philosopher" with the second reading
"exquisite", i wouldn't go so far as to say.
"many possibilities", true, with the possibility of this happening to many others, daily.
on this one, i felt the judges, rather than the piece, were being pivotal.
it being "descriptive", true again, about one of life's mysteries.
it being a moment in time, don't really think so, rather an uncomfortable situation we at times find ourselves in, while pondering "why".
as mentioned above, "flawed", indeed. who was it that said, "in imperfection, there's exhibited perfection". for it being flawed, it imprints the mind with a common desire for companionship, man being born with this innate sense desiring to be gregarious.
this being somewhat the discussion for my philosophy class.
"incredible", dependant on one's usage of the word.
An intimate subject, expressed in a manner, that allows interpretation. Very well written. - Deborah
Honestly, this haiku was a bit too vague for my tastes... In my opinion, the ability of haiku to tie a moment in time to "larger" subjects or feelings functions best when the poem contains a concrete image or two, simply and honestly described. Details and a sort of objective description are necessary (again, just my opinion) to truly make the poem come alive to our subjective minds. I'd like to see this poem expanded as a tanka, perhaps, with a few more details. That might allow the quietness and beauty of the moment described to meld with concrete images, and allow the poem as a whole to have a stronger voice. Hope I don't sound too critical...
This is First rate, clearly of prize winning quality. It has no kigo, but so what, it is a heavily psychological haiku. Perhaps we have all had this experience. If it isn't excellent it is very close. Very very well done.
business round
the cabby counts notes
on his steering wheel
lifting her spoon...
parting her lips...
a sudden shift
in my appetite
at the breakfast table --
setting for two
yesterday's meal