grey drizzle --
a yellow rose bobbing
petals down


—Deborah P. Kolodji
        

About the author: Deborah P. Kolodji
Pasadena, California
dkolodji at aol.com

Deborah P Kolodji is the President of the Science Fiction Poetry Association and the editor of Amaze: The Cinquain Journal.

Her work has appeared in many journals, both on and off the web. Unfinished Book, her chapbook of haiku, cinquains, and other short poems, was published by Shadows Ink Publications.

 

Responses to the haiku for 20 May 2003 by Deborah P. Kolodji

  1.  
    2003-05-21 19:58:27
     

    The colours are vivid - the rose is very 3d, and the action is wonderful - the verb feels so just right, but I don't understand the last line: I like the zoom in on the petals, but 'down', what's that?
    Contact

  2.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-05-23 08:30:20
     

    I like the colors too--had just been noticing the forsythia and fog. I didn't understand at first, but realize this is what the poet saw and wonder if "down" is meant to mirror "drizzle?" Those times when the whole day feels like that, but then a moment is given, and writing it down makes me feel better!

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-05-23 20:07:07
     

    i didn't understand the first line; not really not understanding it, but there was this leap i had to make to connect it to the second line. even though we are dealing with a drizzle, i am assuming a rivulet or even a stream of water had formed.

    the second and third were meant for each other.
    once so full of life, now doomed to float silently away.

    within the third line, apparently the rose was upside down, or bottom side up, as it floated southernly.

    deborah is amazing at times...
    however, she has yet to figure me out.

  4.  
    2003-05-24 05:01:23
     

    Interesting. I see the rose as still attached to its stalk, hence bobbing intermittently whenever the slowly accumulating drizzle reaches critical point (like a bamboo bird-scrarer - you know the type?)

    I know nothing of the psychology of colour, but wonder why this rose's yellow is so much more gratifying than say pink or red, for me.

    Contact

  5.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-05-24 08:41:49
     

    norman
    i, too, can see your point, of the rose still being attached. however, in the limited space of revealing words, the weigh of gathering rain drops, perhaps, never reaches a crescendo to cause this rapid or even slow action of "bobbing" of an attached rose. i ponder if deborah considered "bobs" rather than "bobbing", which indeeds takes less time.

    but, there were your key words, "for me", and unto this, i submit.

    while thinking the author has selected the "best" words to describe the moment, a "drizzle" leaves "me" with the impression of a slow, light rain.
    if we were to emphasize "bobbing", rather than being a moment, "i" sense an extended period of movement.

    the thought comes to mind, what is the extent of a moment?

  6.  
    john tiong chunghoo (bagiruang at yahoo dot com)
    2004-01-04 08:36:26
     

    grey drizzle
    his grey sensuous pant
    that has thrown me over

  7.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-20 19:36:36
     

    continuous drizzle --
    teardrops form
    on each green leaf's tip

    -

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