yellow ribbon
tumbling down the street
in the gritty wind


—Helen Ruggieri
        

About the author: Helen Ruggieri lives in Olean, NY and has had publications recently in Mainichi Daily News (Japan) and Bottle Rocket.

 

Responses to the haiku for 26 May 2003 by Helen Ruggieri

  1.  
    2003-05-26 19:19:19
     

    Yellow seems to be a favoured colour for the item standing out (Compare Deborah P. Kolodji's grey drizzle). Here I wonder however whether a stronger colour wouldn't have done it better for me.

    The tactile and the audio are very sharp, I just feel the video might have benefited from a bit more contrast.

    That said, altogether a great capture.

    Contact

  2.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-05-26 21:50:35
     

    if this, truly, is a haiku moment, why the need to invent a color. surely, all colors of the rainbow and those in-between, serve a haiku well, if that's the way it was.
    i ponder the individual who perchance is color blind, but isn't a haiku the things we relate not with our eyes but with our minds.

    within my thought process, i sense something larger with the word being "tumbling"...
    tumbling lends to the ribbon rolling over and over, which i doubt.
    a haiku moment i once experienced, the word "flittering" came to mind.

    a ribbon being supple, twisting this way and that, flittering would do it justice.

    "tactile" and "audio", hmmm, from where???

    upon seeing anything borne by the wind, have these terms been born, unless, one had a hurricane or a tornado in mind.

    "gritty" was trying to say too much about this moment.
    keep it simple.

    helen, the moment was captured, regardless of the need for less adjectives.

  3.  
    Michael L. Evans
    2003-05-27 15:03:09
     

    Helen - I read your haiku as a war metaphor.
    If so, the ribbon could be no other color.

    Single thought haiku are very difficult to write,
    and I think you have done a nice job with this
    one! I would "suggest" one minor change: think
    maybe "a gritty wind" might be more accurate -
    for me, "the" makes it sound like the only kind
    of wind .. but this is probably just a matter of
    taste.
    Look forward to reading more of your haiku.

  4.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-20 20:16:11
     

    distressful cry
    born by the wind --

    silence
    =======

    born not borne; created by the wind, not carried by ...


    -

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