towering pines
a bobcat prowls
in the early mist


—Allen McGill
        

Originally published in The Heron's Nest, Jan. 2003.

About the author: Allen McGill
San Miguel de Allende, Mexico
aljons at yahoo.com

Originally from NYC, Allen lives, writes, acts and directs theatre in Mexico. His published fiction, non-fiction, poetry, plays, etc., have appeared in print as well as on line: NY Times, The Writer, Newsday, Retrozine, Laughter Loaf, Flashquake, Herons Nest, Cenotaph, TempsLibres, Autumn Leaves, Poetic Voices,Amaze-Cinquain, Bottle Rocket, Frogpond, Modern Haiku, World Haiku Review, many others.

 

Responses to the haiku for 16 June 2003 by Allen McGill

  1.  
    Gene Murtha (GeneMurt at cs dot com)
    2003-06-16 21:43:07
     

    a very enjoyable read Allen,

    best,

  2.  
    Michael Meyerhofer
    2003-06-17 00:35:56
     

    I liked this as well... In the image I received from this poem, the needles of the pine tree were similar to the tawny fur of the bobcat, although they're also an obvious contrast (the tall immobile trees and the small stealthy cat). The early morning mist was a nice addition. The only suggestion I'd make would be to add a kireji after "pines" to give it more of a pause, and emphasize the contrast, ex. "..." or "--". Otherwise, well done!

  3.  
    2003-06-17 14:46:19
     

    This is wonderful.

    The switch in focus from 1st to 2nd line seems to me to obviate any need for kireji - the switch is so dramatic it imposes its own natural break, making any visual squiggle superfluous.

    Earth drama - the quiet power of nature.


    Contact

  4.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-12-27 12:32:28
     

    azure -
    imprinted by the tallest pine
    atop, sings the yellow bird

  5.  
    john tiong chunghoo
    2003-12-31 23:00:37
     

    last breath
    grandma points
    towards home

  6.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-22 05:03:30
     

    sweltering summer morning -
    blue jay
    chirping outside my door

    -

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