splinters of sound
the carpenter's hammer
crafts a bookcase


—Patricia Prime
        

About the author: Patricia has recently retired from teaching after 30 years, and now devotes some time to the reading recovery programme at her local school. She is the co-editor of the New Zealand haiku magazine Kokako and reviews editor of the online magazine Stylus. She writes short stories, poetry, reviews and articles, and likes to write collaborative poems with other poets.

Contact Patricia: pprime at ihug.co.nz.

 

Responses to the haiku for 25 June 2003 by Patricia Prime

  1.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-06-25 10:08:03
     

    I liked this immediately: the play on words with "splinters," and the s and c sounds. It's also nice to think about craft in general. "Hammer" could be left out, as the carpenter is creating the work. Thanks and best wishes.

  2.  
    Patricia Prime (pprime at ihug dot co dot nz)
    2003-06-26 01:14:52
     

    Dear Ellen, Thanks for taking the time to make a comment on my haiku. I agree that I could omit the word "hammer" without altering the meaning. My youngest son is a carpenter and it was he that was crafting a bookcase for me. He particularly enjoys using the tools of his trade and his little son, who is 4, likes to help him and has his own set of tools and tool belt.

    Pat

  3.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-06-26 09:43:11
     

    You're welcome, Pat. Your poem's story is as meaningful as the poem. I think the best poems are born this way. In my experience, they don't happen very often. I have learned to wait, while practicing faithfully.

    My father made bookcases for me when I was growing up. I remember buying my first books and loved seeing them on the shelves. I'm still that way. These bookcases have been central in every home since. What a legacy...and nice to think of a new carpenter growing up too!

    Ellen

  4.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-06-28 23:08:10
     

    truly the passing of a moment in time.
    i could pictured what patricia is saying.

    i trust my remake doesn't take away from her moment.

    splinters of sound
    carpenter hammering
    bookcase in the making

    the reason i was led to the remake was to offer some clarity in the on-goings, rather than glancing at the tools, the hammer in particular, even though we may have observed the hammer at rest.


    the first line is true to a construction site's sounds, thereby setting the stage.

    however, the second line caused me to ponder what was the importance of the hammer, even though i understand the importance of the "hammer" in construction.

    the third line simply needed simplifying

    indeed a haiku moment.


    oh yes, i enjoyed the small talk between pat and ellen.

  5.  
    John Tiong ChungHoo
    2003-12-18 02:47:00
     

    bit by bit
    his abode takes shape
    on my door - the bee

  6.  
    Patricia Prime (pprime at ihug dot co dot nz)
    2003-12-18 22:37:42
     

    pohutukawa
    sawing a branch for Christmas
    droplets of blood

    *pohutukawa native NZ tree with red flowers, called the Christmas tree by Maori

  7.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-25 15:22:13
     

    my broken heart
    the crippled released blue jay --
    they knew not, what they did

  8.  
    Patricia Prime (pprime at ihug dot co dot nz)
    2004-06-25 15:50:27
     

    Dear Bob, Thanks for your response to my poem. Here's mine in response to your "blue jay":

    stunned bird -
    in my hand
    its heart beat

  9.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-25 20:22:28
     

    lady prime, my joy in your response

    -

    desire to hold on to --
    the wild,
    born to be free

    -

    smile

    there was even more to the "bursting, though for lack of space;
    the unkempt path "bursting" into the clearing

    23 may 2003

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