after the rain
tall grass drowning
in puddles


—Mike Gregory
        

rewritten by the author after reading Patrick Gallagher's commentary on Ishihara's dictum in Haijinx II:1

About the author: I've been studying and writing haiku for a little over a year. After participating in a scifaiku list for a couple of years, I began to focus on more traditional haiku.

email: mikeg_56 at yahoo dot com

 

Responses to the haiku for 20 August 2003 by Mike Gregory

  1.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-08-20 23:28:32
     

    in reading mike's rewrite, i am curious concerning the original

    "i understand what mike is saying"


    "drowning" is not literally applicable(meaning what), more conceivable are the terms "submersed" or even "immersed"


    my conception is based on life in south florida, where it may rain for an hour, leaving thigh-deep waters. the plants reminds me of transient-straws, one might use to take a sip from the pools, suddenly created.
    after a half an hour, the waters have disappeared, leaving none of the plant-life with ill-effects from this immersion; most assuredly, i have failed to hear any plant call out, "save me, i'm drowning"

    mike, i appreciate your depiction, however, the direction my thoughts proceeded in, took away from the moment; perhaps this is meant to be a satirical situation


    see, i am still pondering mike's work, based on my readings "in writing a haiku, keep it real".


    the above, "my" thoughts, generated by mike

  2.  
    Gillena Cox (bgeecee at wow dot net)
    2003-09-07 21:13:54
     

    In reading this haiku; more than once; because of its left indented placement, I caught a nice visual aspect to it-- where there is "the" in Line One forming a pattern like the apex of a triangle, the "t " in "the" in line one can be traced down to The "t " in tall of Line Two and on the other side of the triangle, The " r " in rain traced down to the "r" in drowing in Line two; with the 's" in puddles nestling under the double "s" of "grass" in Line two. I like like the graphic placement of the letters.

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-07-14 17:38:31
     

    perhaps today, i'm simply tired, gillena. i couldn't capture the visual placement(displacement)

    -

    before the rains -
    dusty flower
    once yellow, now yellow again

  4.