tightrope walker
even her smile
   balanced

—Steve Dolphy
        

First published in "Snapshots 6" (1999)

About the author: Steve Dolphy started writing haiku and senryu in 1998. He has had poems published in a number of magazines worldwide as well as in various anthologies, eg. The New Haiku (2002), Red Moon Anthology (2000, 2002).

Responses to the haiku for 25 August 2003 by Steve Dolphy

  1.  
    paul m.
    2003-08-25 18:32:28
     

    A very enjoyable senryu!

  2.  
    Connie (cjkdtwo at comcast dot net)
    2003-08-25 22:05:23
     

    Nice one, Steve. Thanks for the smile.

  3.  
    Michael Meyerhofer
    2003-08-25 22:14:45
     

    This is an excellent, playful senryu... I felt, however, that the sense of balance was conveyed with the first line, so the last line wasn't really a surprise. My suggestion would be to switch the second and third lines, so that the balance of her smile would be the final surprising image of the poem.

    tightrope walkeró
    her perfectly balanced
    smile

    Perhaps that's just me unconsciously trying to make the poem my own... Anyway, I love your image, and thanks for sharing!

  4.  
    Elaine (ecwriter at earthllink dot net)
    2003-08-26 06:43:29
     

    I really enjoyed your haiku.

    It is balanced too!

  5.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-08-28 10:51:17
     

    i feel, steve has stealthily slipped a simile pass us.
    the haiku, at it's finest, illustrates what's being said, isn't being said.


    "tightrope walker", i sense, isn't about the act of this individual actually walking the tightrope, instead it's about her walk through life.


    "even her smile", points out how whatever life presents to you, one's smile(her reaction to life) is resulting in the same(likewise) manner, tilting neither to the right nor left.


    "balance", i laughed out loud, SO TRUE, SO TRUE
    of zen and Scripture;

    and most assuredly, an accurate description through this haiku


    steve, well done

  6.  
    W.E.G. (the_renga_master at hotmail dot com)
    2003-09-03 18:00:28
     

    I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparison\contrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.

  7.  
    W.E.G. (the_renga_master at hotmail dot com)
    2003-09-03 18:00:35
     

    I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparison\contrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.

  8.  
    2003-09-07 20:57:56
     

    I enjoyed this poem, so very much, and will place it in category senryu, rather than haiku. I like the introduction of the setting in Line One but I have to agree with Michael Meyerhofer's comment about the placing of the surprise in line Three. So that I would switch Lines Two and Three; with "balanced" placed in Line two as the pivot.

  9.  
    martin
    2003-09-15 01:22:07
     

    three ring circus
    the tightrope walker falls
    to the net

    Anyone want to renga?

  10.  
    myron lysenko (myronpoet at hotmail dot com)
    2003-11-20 19:59:01
     

    enjoyed this senryu & agree with MM that the lines could be changed a little...either way (or rather, in both ways) the image works.

  11.  
    john tiong chunghoo
    2003-12-05 09:14:24
     

    tightrope walker
    the child practises walking
    at the edge of his bed

  12.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-07-14 18:09:15
     

    politically correct -
    his mannerism
    covering the flaws

    -

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