he brings
to the picnic table
a jar of fireflies

—Betty Kaplan
        

About the author: Betty Kaplan, BKaplan297 at aol.com

Retired from the Fashion Industry. Used to arrange clothes. Now arranging words. Started to write haiku five years ago. Published in Frogpond, Lynx, Woodpecker, South by Southeast World Haiku Review and American Tanka.

 

Responses to the haiku for 11 July 2005 by Betty Kaplan

  1.  
    kate
    2005-07-11 10:34:04
     

    night light
    at his window...
    fireflies

  2.  
    lawrence williams
    2005-07-11 12:11:22
     

    not to be mean, but this haiku seems to be missing something. the first line i think is
    lacking...

    black out
    he brings to the picnic table
    a jar of fireflies


    something like the above i think would make
    this piece stronger.

    Pittsburgh...
    dawn erupts from open door
    of a steel foundry

  3.  
    mary
    2005-07-11 12:44:42
     

    summer night-
    flashing lights twinkle
    fireflies dance

  4.  
    lawrence williams
    2005-07-12 12:03:13
     

    bob,
    your point is well taken, however not all
    events are poetic and some need a bit of embellishment. again, i think this poem
    would benifit from something other than
    he brings."" as it stands, my first and
    lasting reaction to the poem is ""so what...""


    drive in movie...
    fireflies meander
    through the love scene


    independence day
    i release the bees
    from a honey jar"

  5.  
    lawrence williams
    2005-07-12 19:22:03
     

    bob,
    think of embellishments as condiments.
    like mustard and catsup, like hot sauce and
    onions. some things just need to be
    dresed up. as for me i prefer mustard
    and onions on my hot dogs.

  6.  
    bobby michael richardson
    2005-07-12 20:23:13
     

    lawrence, my efforts are to be on the same page; ahh yes, one of the other meanings.

    with this understanding, i'll go you one better.
    what of the hot dog ingredients; however back to the query at hand.

    i'd think most picnics are during daylight hours, less susceptible to (blackouts).

    of all the things brought to the picnic, (this child) brings, or having caught fireflies, proudly displays them on the table
    -------------

    in the dark --
    eating hot dog
    without the bun

  7.  
    john tiong chunghoo
    2005-07-13 03:13:05
     

    fishing
    two fish drying up
    at his side

  8.  
    bobby michael richardson
    2005-07-13 20:28:24
     

    lawrence, touché, and now for my absetzen.

    picnic, daylight hours- true
    firefly, approaching twilight- true

    people sitting in the dark, not hardly, but conceivably; an implication, rather loosely, if at all.
    no juxtapose, conceivable


    as for this being a picnic, i'll use your word, implied"" from the words used in haiku.


    fireflies possibly captured, the day before(re-read my previous statement)

    now what ..."

  9.  
    lawrence williams
    2005-07-14 16:31:35
     

    bob,
    the poem does succeed in spurring debate.
    do you think those fireflies would have survived that long in captivity?


    pick-

    nic-

    king,

    black ants swarm the chocolate covered ants.


    family reunion
    uncle lester dips an ant
    in the chocolate fondue

  10.  
    bobby michael richardson
    2005-07-15 02:13:11
     

    lawrence, true again.
    this goes to show the individuality in us, if given the chance to be expressed. alas, many refrain from speaking out.
    your question of the captured fireflies longevity crossed my mind, recently. thinking back, i recalled their passing after one night. even in my childhood, this seemed strange; however, i accepted it as the norm.




    midnight's pressing thoughts --
    a search for the off switch
    in the dark

  11.  
    lawrence williams
    2005-07-16 12:07:51
     

    bob,
    midnight's pressing thoughts"" is an
    excellent senryu. thanks for posting
    this piece. betty, thank you for starting
    the whole process.


    meditating
    the shadow of a cloud
    drifts across the wall"

  12.  
    JJ
    2005-07-17 05:03:11
     

    nickpicking! lol

  13.  
    bobby michael richardson
    2005-07-19 22:58:45
     

    lawrence,
    i thank you

    betty, i too, thank you; just think how much fun the (picnic) would have been if lawrence and i had attended, or if, we'd simply happened by your (table) ...

    _

    nit-picking: to some, (excessively involvement) with unimportant details, sounds akin to (the haiku)


    and yet, i contemplate seeing through another's eyes

    _


    cool humid morn
    strange, the hound's bay --
    the mockingbird's silent perch

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