rainy day
the hummingbird still watches
its plastic flower

—Rosa Clement
        

About the author: I was born in Manaus, Amazonas, northern Brazil. I enjoy writing poems and haiku in Portuguese as well as in English. Some of my poems appear on The Heron's Nest, Simply Haiku and other Internet sites.

Contact: rosa dot clement at gmail dot com

 

Responses to the haiku for 15 May 2008 by Rosa Clement

  1.  
    gK
    2007-12-28 13:46:10
     

    rainy day
    the hummingbird still watches
    its plastic flower

    -----

    It's an interesting idea showing how Hummingbird's can be very territorial, but I think it needs some tweaking. "Still" can be such a lazy word in haiku. :-(

    Spring rain
    the Anna's Hummingbird watches
    its plastic flower

  2.  
    Bill Kenney
    2008-05-15 07:02:07
     

    The question is whether "still" adds anything to "the hummingbird watches." If it does, it belongs; otherwise,no.

    I'd leave "rainy day" as is.

    Anyway, I love that plastic flower.

  3.  
    Andrea (andrea dot cecon at gmail dot com)
    2008-05-15 08:26:07
     

    I agree with the comment above about using "still"... but it's a great haiku anyway!

  4.  
    Nigel Tewksbury
    2008-05-15 08:57:05
     

    I think the "still" very much adds to the haiku. Do not hummingbirds appear still as they hover in place?

    I enjoyed this!

  5.  
    Melissa Spurr
    2008-05-15 09:05:36
     

    rainy day
    the hummingbird still watches
    its plastic flower

    Rosa,

    This is wonderful! And I really like "still" in this context. If the still weren't there, a reader would think that the rain somehow compelled the hummingbird to watch the flower. Still implies a habitual, continuing activity that occurs in sunshine and rain. Your haiku is perfect as is, Rosa.

    My best,

    Melissa

  6.  
    Kat Knapp
    2008-05-15 09:48:21
     

    Rosa, it's wonderful.I have spent many hours watching the hummingbirds still watching the plastic flower. I wonder if the critics of "still" have ever really watched the hummingbirds on a rainy day??? I read your words and can feel the dampness, I can see the tiny glittering eye. Thank you, Kat

  7.  
    Angelika Wienert
    2008-05-15 10:04:38
     

    i like your haiku very much, Rosa!

  8.  
    Vasile Moldovan
    2008-05-15 10:11:19
     

    After the rain
    on the platic flower
    the first fallen leaves

  9.  
    Melissa Spurr
    2008-05-15 10:17:06
     

    Hi, Rosa.Me again. I thought about this haiku, and I love it all the more. It occurred to me that "rainy day" and "still" are essential here. This haiku implicitly speaks volumes about the hummingbird's observer. I imagine the observer, you, trapped indoors by the rain, noticing, at various points in an otherwise dreary day, the hummingbird "still" watching the flower. This is brilliant!

  10.  
    lee nelson
    2008-05-15 12:39:32
     

    who cares!
    rosa, follow your heart.

  11.  
    Rosa Clement
    2008-05-15 14:25:12
     

    I want to thank you all for the wonderful feedback. I felt a need to use 'still' because I worried that the little bird had been there for a long time and the rain was getting stronger... For the same bird:

    cold day
    the hummingbird
    even smaller

    Thank you,

    Rosa

  12.  
    judith Ingram
    2008-05-15 15:22:23
     

    Poor hummingbird,
    ain't gonna get much juice
    from a plastic flower.


    Rosa . . . I love your haiku; particularly the plastic flower.

  13.  
    Magyar (magyar0109 at aol dot com)
    2008-05-15 19:18:37
     

    Rosa; This Ku, is great. Still_!
    At my pond side, I attract/feed the hummers all summer long.

    "In the sun or rain they are still on watch, still on guard." There is always that territorial sparring that can, and will occur 'twixt the hummer on "watch" and any challanger for (its) the feeder's... plastic flower.

    nectar feeder
    its plastic flowers
    drip of rain
    _m

  14.  
    b. m. richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2008-05-16 18:50:52
     

    ahh, shades of "too"-
    rosa's creation is one of those gems; while overt, swells with subtle significance.
    unperceivable to most, "still" relates to all 3 lines, and things in-between; and to the observer, and reader.
    i'm reminded of a piece i'd written:
    this rainy day
    the caged bird weighs...
    what thoughts
    -

    fawn in the tall grass
    still--
    i fear to breathe

  15.  
    mike farley
    2008-05-24 10:08:03
     

    Rosa, I love your haiku. It juxtaposes two delightful and natural observations in simple resonance, with a touch of wit and humor. Perfect!

    And BM Richardson, in spite of your pontificating, you sometimes come up with a gem or two. One which I've saved is the following . . .

    small talk--
    a tiny red strawberry
    on her ankle

    The other is your new one above about the fawn. VERY nice!

  16.  
    b. m. richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2008-05-24 18:05:17
     

    michael(mike), thank you; albeit, i feel "tendentious" suits me to a (t). some venture farther, saying i'm didactic, even pedantic. why stop there, should i say "pragmatic". i prefer "pragmatics"; there is a difference between the two. leaning towards pragmatism, there are times i suppress where my thoughts lead me...

    -

    one of those days--
    even sparrow selective
    in twig selection

  17.