If it is meant to be a haiku, there is no need to follow the urban myth of 575. Haiku originated from Japan, absorbing Western art techniques, and before that it, it was the hokku, a starting verse of a longer poem called Renga.
The Japanese language systems do not contain syllables or any kind of Western alphabet so the nearest equivalent in time units would be morae as comparable to the counting system of "on" that the Japanese use for their sound units.
Dear Emile, if you are interested in the 'form' of haiku, with Japanese language haiku it is the kireji and kigo, except where it is gendai haiku, where occasionally the kigo is transplanted by key words.
In English language haiku, the "form" is often, but not exclusively, using the Western art technique of "sketching from life" (calling it shasei) that Shiki absorbed into haiku, the term he used for the standalone poem known as hokku.
The Western attempt at kireji is more like juxtaposition and slightly non-flowing syntax that creates "negative space" a Japanese technique often used in Western art nowadays.
I'd say this micropoem could also be called a Western gendai haiku.
Thanks for this commentary! As you and Emile cleverly mentioned there are many haiku features missing from this poem. It certainly is not a 5/7/5 and it has no seasonal reference. Yet the possibility to express the near end of a joyful ride in that few words attracted me when I wrote this. I think it is more along with senryu but I'm not sure about that. Anyway, thanks for your analysis! And nan thank you too!
I can remember driving many hours on many occasions looking for that one landmark that says "home". It's a kind of loneliness that cries out for a haiku and this one captures it splendidly.
As always, it's a bit disappointing to see so little commentary regarding the image and the feelings themselves and instead abundant focus on labels and form. The content is the point – labels and forms are mere tools.
Nothing more. If they do not bend to content, they are of no use at all.
July 1st, 2010 at 12:14 am
majdnem ott
lenne egy
benzinkút
July 1st, 2010 at 4:15 am
lovely!
July 1st, 2010 at 9:23 am
Is it a true haiku? where is is the 5/ 7/ 5/ 3 line syllable form. seems like haiku is slowly disappearing.
Emelie
July 1st, 2010 at 2:57 pm
This makes no sense.
July 2nd, 2010 at 1:47 am
I really like this one!
July 3rd, 2010 at 9:57 am
Intriguing micropoem.
If it is meant to be a haiku, there is no need to follow the urban myth of 575. Haiku originated from Japan, absorbing Western art techniques, and before that it, it was the hokku, a starting verse of a longer poem called Renga.
The Japanese language systems do not contain syllables or any kind of Western alphabet so the nearest equivalent in time units would be morae as comparable to the counting system of "on" that the Japanese use for their sound units.
Dear Emile, if you are interested in the 'form' of haiku, with Japanese language haiku it is the kireji and kigo, except where it is gendai haiku, where occasionally the kigo is transplanted by key words.
In English language haiku, the "form" is often, but not exclusively, using the Western art technique of "sketching from life" (calling it shasei) that Shiki absorbed into haiku, the term he used for the standalone poem known as hokku.
The Western attempt at kireji is more like juxtaposition and slightly non-flowing syntax that creates "negative space" a Japanese technique often used in Western art nowadays.
I'd say this micropoem could also be called a Western gendai haiku.
Alan
July 6th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Dear Alan,
Thanks for this commentary! As you and Emile cleverly mentioned there are many haiku features missing from this poem. It certainly is not a 5/7/5 and it has no seasonal reference. Yet the possibility to express the near end of a joyful ride in that few words attracted me when I wrote this. I think it is more along with senryu but I'm not sure about that. Anyway, thanks for your analysis! And nan thank you too!
September 24th, 2010 at 12:15 am
I can remember driving many hours on many occasions looking for that one landmark that says "home". It's a kind of loneliness that cries out for a haiku and this one captures it splendidly.
As always, it's a bit disappointing to see so little commentary regarding the image and the feelings themselves and instead abundant focus on labels and form. The content is the point – labels and forms are mere tools.
Nothing more. If they do not bend to content, they are of no use at all.