on a sleepless night
counting chirps of a cricket…
train whistle sounds out
Published by
bobby michael richardson
bobby michael richardson
orgbob at webtv.net
"my haiku tend to be more epigrammatic and offer commentary, often ironic, on the world or universe at large. which is not to say one approach is better than the other, but merely different --"
View all posts by bobby michael richardson
25 thoughts on “”
I don’t know. This haiku seems a bit too much of a poetic cliche with forced syllabication–in an effort to come close to the 5-7-5. I’m sorry but this poem seems to lack satori.
It’s also worth mentioning that epigrams are very different from haiku.
one should remember, the haiku is poetic, while all poetry is not the haiku.
from it’s birth, the haiku has undergone changes, leaving it hardly resembling the original creation.
5-7-5 for some is a guideline
just as 3 lines are though to be the norm, in some circles 4 lines are accepted.
“satori”, i weighed this term.
you do realize it is the japanese word for “ah ha”.
the broad explanation of satori, exploitation of the mind, sense of joy that comes from learning,
one’s journey towards personal enlightenment, individualism, patience, and strength of character, one being discipline to handle life’s challenges, peace, tranquility, harmony, and today, even a web system.
question, are you applying the term to any very short poem – whether amatory, elegiac, meditative, complimentary, anecdotal, or satiric – which is polished, terse, and pointed; often ending with a surprising or witty turn of thought.
true, epigrams are supposedly different from the haiku, however, without thinking, i would say you have described the haiku.
bobby,
you should have taken yoshi’s advice,
instead of becoming defensive. his point
was very obvious… another poor attempt
at someting you think of as poetry. i see
you have a difficult time accepting criticism.
prado
dripping paint
on his shoes…
my buddy calls it art
bobby,
i assume you meant “dripped” instead
of “tripped” if not, you’ve tripped
over your tongue. what yoshi didn’t
say, i will, your “poem” is too
wordy.
prado
prado,
i thought i’d give you a chance to correct me, however you failed to grasp my humor
i’m wondering where you’ve been for the past several years; that was established a long time ago, i am a very verbose individual. if i could, i’d write every haiku as a long story;
but the bigger question remains, why should i or anyone else write according to your standards, or lack thereof.
bobby,
you can write the way you want. i’ve
found good criticism to be priceless.
how can you say “lack thereof?” send
your poems out beyond tiny words and see
how many of them are published. critism
doesn’t mean your being attacked.
prado,
criticism covers a vast spectrum, the beauties, the faults, even professional courtesy/patronizing.
(good) criticism being priceless, the jury remains out.
“your standards or lack thereof”, i do not know you; from the words we’ve exchanged, i hesitate in being judgemental. you are whatever, be it full of substance or not; this said not to be harsh.
bobby,
are you familiar with raymond carver’s
work? he rewrote, edited, etc his short
stories constantly. there are 20-30
versions of some stories. i don’t believe
a piece of writing is ever “finished,”
be it a novel, or a haiku. of course
i realize you may have a hundred versions
of this haiku. you know, i believe in
rewriting, carver taught this
very well.
spring cleaning
i find thirty versions
of her spring cleaning haiku
prado,
the raymond carver who penned “happiness”, “bobber”, “fear”, and “your dog dies”; sad his life filled tragedies, most writings on his sorrows are toned down and/or omitted.
you’ve lost me, prado what does carver have to do with our ongoing discussion; at this juncture, we need to take this away from tinywords.
i can’t recall my giving much time/thought to reading a (rewrite).
my little prado,
there is some vagueness to your words.
when the author/writer rewrites to fine-tune his/her works is one thing. you left me with the conception of one’s work being done a number of times, repeatedly, and each new rewrite is passed off to the public. in my own writings i rewrite again and again, i even do this in my mind. i trust we’re finally on the same page.
as i said before, “if i see where another’s work is being done over, i’ll pass on it”.
bobby,
please tell me your kidding! i went to the purple
echo website and found the poetry badly lacking,
be honest with the girl, the site if pathetic.
haiku is not metaphor, is not simile, and is not
epigram!
prado, i kid you not. the site is refreshing. lately, haiku(s) have become senseless replicate(s) of one(s) which weren’t understood in the first place.
specify what you deem lacking about any (one) of the writings.
people, in their “great wisdom”, tend to overlook (unadulterated) beauty, while raving on and on about the cheap johnny-come-lately
bobby,
felicia has a “haiku” on the site in which
she mentions “chilled grapes” and in the
next line says, “frozen purple globes.” granted,
this is a nice image, but it’s not haiku. i
wouldn’t call an apple a mouse. if a person
writes similes and metaphors, they should call
them similes and metaphors.
“Purple grapes
in a frosted bowl
– chilled violet globes”, to be more precise.
a simile nor a metaphor in the strictest sense
prado, similes and metaphors have their places in haiku. if an apple reminds you of a mouse, why wouldn’t you think of a mouse.
think of the many things seen in a cloud
your thoughts on:
a dog is sleeping
holding its head between the legs
house of chrysanthemums
prado, first allow me to clarify, the haiku wasn’t mine. the haiku had been written by kyoshi takahama (1874 ~ 1959)
it was said of kyoshi “his haikus are not limited to a fixed style, several are splendid and virile, whereas others are subtle and delicate; several give free rein to his imagination, others describe simply daily facts. kyoshi’s world is a true chaos, varied like a field full of wild flowers and grasses”.
more to come …
bobby,
since this is kyoshi’s poem, i wonder if the
above translation is the best. i know nothing
about translating japanes into english, though i do know there are differences in how individuals
translate one language into another. that being said, i think the poem reads better this way…
a dog sleeps
with its head between its legs…
chrysanthemum house
aha, prado’s you’ve glimpsed the (greater) picture. translators exhibit a weakness; too often not understanding what the author intended. many say, “know the rules before you break the rules”, to this i’d add, “junk the rules, if one is simply imitating what one has read”. personally, i disliked this kyoshi piece; but i enjoy takahama’s work, i love his approach(free spirit). prado, never be fearful of doing your own thing, even if it flows against (the rules).
bobby,
just to say hope all is well with you.
here in northern minnesota it’s
getting quite cold, and the trees are
just about bare. i csn see duluth
harbor through them. stay well,
prado
northern minnesota, i’ve heard gets rather cold; but alas in south florida, “rather cold” means 50’s for only a few hours over the course of a night. then, it’s back to the 70’s, until april. the palm trees never appear to be bare; even rarer the sight of holiday lights draping a palm.
holiday card
ice covered lake–
hanging from a palm
bobby,
well, i miss the poems, i miss the comments,
most of all i miss the repartee…you really
did make tiny words a very thouight provoking
place. hope all is well with you. best,
prado
good morning prado, i appreciate the compliment; though i wasn’t alone, you were there also.
these days i continue to browse through the archives, dropping a comment here and there; feeling akin to johnny appleseed, in spring.
prado, it doesn’t surprise me how many have dropped away. there’re literally hundreds of posted haiku(s) which are ripe for the picking; so now, i’m having a field day.
this spring day
winds raising the curtains–
she hurriedly press down
her dress
I don’t know. This haiku seems a bit too much of a poetic cliche with forced syllabication–in an effort to come close to the 5-7-5. I’m sorry but this poem seems to lack satori.
It’s also worth mentioning that epigrams are very different from haiku.
yoshi, you sound indecisive.
one should remember, the haiku is poetic, while all poetry is not the haiku.
from it’s birth, the haiku has undergone changes, leaving it hardly resembling the original creation.
5-7-5 for some is a guideline
just as 3 lines are though to be the norm, in some circles 4 lines are accepted.
“satori”, i weighed this term.
you do realize it is the japanese word for “ah ha”.
the broad explanation of satori, exploitation of the mind, sense of joy that comes from learning,
one’s journey towards personal enlightenment, individualism, patience, and strength of character, one being discipline to handle life’s challenges, peace, tranquility, harmony, and today, even a web system.
to be cont.
yoshi, continuing:
“epigram”, with my free hand i sized this term.
question, are you applying the term to any very short poem – whether amatory, elegiac, meditative, complimentary, anecdotal, or satiric – which is polished, terse, and pointed; often ending with a surprising or witty turn of thought.
true, epigrams are supposedly different from the haiku, however, without thinking, i would say you have described the haiku.
the hybrid haiku, aren’t they all.
after all is said, i missed your point.
i did appreciate your comment
bobby,
you should have taken yoshi’s advice,
instead of becoming defensive. his point
was very obvious… another poor attempt
at someting you think of as poetry. i see
you have a difficult time accepting criticism.
prado
dripping paint
on his shoes…
my buddy calls it art
prado,
you’ve failed to convince me as to why i should take yoshi’s advice
i am (not offended) nor have i become defensive.
prado, i am amused at your effort to debate with me.
by the way, there is art to paint tripped on one’s shoes; think about it.
prado, i’m assuming you meant “something” instead of “someting”.
bobby,
i assume you meant “dripped” instead
of “tripped” if not, you’ve tripped
over your tongue. what yoshi didn’t
say, i will, your “poem” is too
wordy.
prado
woken
by the cricket
who lulled me to sleep
prado,
i thought i’d give you a chance to correct me, however you failed to grasp my humor
i’m wondering where you’ve been for the past several years; that was established a long time ago, i am a very verbose individual. if i could, i’d write every haiku as a long story;
but the bigger question remains, why should i or anyone else write according to your standards, or lack thereof.
bobby,
you can write the way you want. i’ve
found good criticism to be priceless.
how can you say “lack thereof?” send
your poems out beyond tiny words and see
how many of them are published. critism
doesn’t mean your being attacked.
hazy moon
i close my eyes
to see it better
prado,
criticism covers a vast spectrum, the beauties, the faults, even professional courtesy/patronizing.
(good) criticism being priceless, the jury remains out.
“your standards or lack thereof”, i do not know you; from the words we’ve exchanged, i hesitate in being judgemental. you are whatever, be it full of substance or not; this said not to be harsh.
bottom line, i am a compulsive writer/speaker.
i’m satisfied, being read in tinywords
prado, i live for these moments
bobby,
are you familiar with raymond carver’s
work? he rewrote, edited, etc his short
stories constantly. there are 20-30
versions of some stories. i don’t believe
a piece of writing is ever “finished,”
be it a novel, or a haiku. of course
i realize you may have a hundred versions
of this haiku. you know, i believe in
rewriting, carver taught this
very well.
spring cleaning
i find thirty versions
of her spring cleaning haiku
prado,
the raymond carver who penned “happiness”, “bobber”, “fear”, and “your dog dies”; sad his life filled tragedies, most writings on his sorrows are toned down and/or omitted.
you’ve lost me, prado what does carver have to do with our ongoing discussion; at this juncture, we need to take this away from tinywords.
i can’t recall my giving much time/thought to reading a (rewrite).
i am unfamiliar with any haiku(s) by carver.
do you care to share?
bobby,
i don’t think the message could have been any clearer. rewriting is a requisite to excellent
writing. wake up man!
prado
my little prado,
there is some vagueness to your words.
when the author/writer rewrites to fine-tune his/her works is one thing. you left me with the conception of one’s work being done a number of times, repeatedly, and each new rewrite is passed off to the public. in my own writings i rewrite again and again, i even do this in my mind. i trust we’re finally on the same page.
as i said before, “if i see where another’s work is being done over, i’ll pass on it”.
bobby,
please tell me your kidding! i went to the purple
echo website and found the poetry badly lacking,
be honest with the girl, the site if pathetic.
haiku is not metaphor, is not simile, and is not
epigram!
prado, i kid you not. the site is refreshing. lately, haiku(s) have become senseless replicate(s) of one(s) which weren’t understood in the first place.
specify what you deem lacking about any (one) of the writings.
people, in their “great wisdom”, tend to overlook (unadulterated) beauty, while raving on and on about the cheap johnny-come-lately
bobby,
felicia has a “haiku” on the site in which
she mentions “chilled grapes” and in the
next line says, “frozen purple globes.” granted,
this is a nice image, but it’s not haiku. i
wouldn’t call an apple a mouse. if a person
writes similes and metaphors, they should call
them similes and metaphors.
“Purple grapes
in a frosted bowl
– chilled violet globes”, to be more precise.
a simile nor a metaphor in the strictest sense
prado, similes and metaphors have their places in haiku. if an apple reminds you of a mouse, why wouldn’t you think of a mouse.
think of the many things seen in a cloud
your thoughts on:
a dog is sleeping
holding its head between the legs
house of chrysanthemums
(epigram): a short witty(satirical) poem
bobby,
i think felicia’s poem lacks subtlety. similie
and metaphor do have their place, but her
comparison is too obvious.
as for your poem, it’s good, but i’d of written
chrysanthemum house…
a black dog sleeps
with its head between its legs
of course it’s not my poem. please don’t think of
me as arrogant. i enjoy exchanging ideas with
you.
winter sunset
a frosted bowl overflows
with purple grapes
prado
prado, first allow me to clarify, the haiku wasn’t mine. the haiku had been written by kyoshi takahama (1874 ~ 1959)
it was said of kyoshi “his haikus are not limited to a fixed style, several are splendid and virile, whereas others are subtle and delicate; several give free rein to his imagination, others describe simply daily facts. kyoshi’s world is a true chaos, varied like a field full of wild flowers and grasses”.
more to come …
bobby,
since this is kyoshi’s poem, i wonder if the
above translation is the best. i know nothing
about translating japanes into english, though i do know there are differences in how individuals
translate one language into another. that being said, i think the poem reads better this way…
a dog sleeps
with its head between its legs…
chrysanthemum house
and one dedicated to you…
lonely night
i check again
for bob’s response
aha, prado’s you’ve glimpsed the (greater) picture. translators exhibit a weakness; too often not understanding what the author intended. many say, “know the rules before you break the rules”, to this i’d add, “junk the rules, if one is simply imitating what one has read”. personally, i disliked this kyoshi piece; but i enjoy takahama’s work, i love his approach(free spirit). prado, never be fearful of doing your own thing, even if it flows against (the rules).
bobby,
just to say hope all is well with you.
here in northern minnesota it’s
getting quite cold, and the trees are
just about bare. i csn see duluth
harbor through them. stay well,
prado
first frost
i tape the hole
in my shoe
northern minnesota, i’ve heard gets rather cold; but alas in south florida, “rather cold” means 50’s for only a few hours over the course of a night. then, it’s back to the 70’s, until april. the palm trees never appear to be bare; even rarer the sight of holiday lights draping a palm.
holiday card
ice covered lake–
hanging from a palm
bobby,
well, i miss the poems, i miss the comments,
most of all i miss the repartee…you really
did make tiny words a very thouight provoking
place. hope all is well with you. best,
prado
spring walk
mother forgets
to take her cane
good morning prado, i appreciate the compliment; though i wasn’t alone, you were there also.
these days i continue to browse through the archives, dropping a comment here and there; feeling akin to johnny appleseed, in spring.
prado, it doesn’t surprise me how many have dropped away. there’re literally hundreds of posted haiku(s) which are ripe for the picking; so now, i’m having a field day.
this spring day
winds raising the curtains–
she hurriedly press down
her dress