after spring downpour
the swollen mountain spring
flows in my yard too
Published by
Jasminka Nadaskic Diordievic
Jasminka Nadaskic Diordievic
Smederevo, Yugoslavia
e-mail: dior at sezampro.yu
I am from Yugoslavia. Computers (any kind of computers), poetry, haiku, art photography, mountain climbing ... it is my orientation. Professionally, I am an electrical engineer, but my soul is primarily a little piece of Nature.
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6 thoughts on “”
It was perfect right up until “too”. That word needs to go.
If ‘too’ goes, the whole sense goes. On first reading I understood this haiku, I believe, as it was intended. (I had the same experience a few short weeks ago).
But on rereading, I have difficulty with the vocabulary; I don’t find the repetition of the word ‘spring’ (albeit with different meanings) pleasing. Perhaps this repetition was your deliberate intention Jasminka. However, in general usage, a stream rather than a spring will swell and flow. A spring is the point where the water rises from the ground to form the source of the stream, and it really must be the stream that flows in my yard too
I don’t mean to be nitpicky, and as I said, on first reading I got the picture unblemished, but now I can’t get past the wordage.
norman, fearing even more confusion, this springs to mind, the first “spring” is seasonal, the second “spring” is relative to a stream.
now, i think of all the things others are to spring upon me for my comment. due to the spring in my step, i am able to sidestep them all.
if i were to weigh them all, the springs, in the scales, would probably break. then, when and if tomorrow should ever come, my associates are waiting to spring even more preposterous assumptions upon me…
It was perfect right up until “too”. That word needs to go.
If ‘too’ goes, the whole sense goes. On first reading I understood this haiku, I believe, as it was intended. (I had the same experience a few short weeks ago).
But on rereading, I have difficulty with the vocabulary; I don’t find the repetition of the word ‘spring’ (albeit with different meanings) pleasing. Perhaps this repetition was your deliberate intention Jasminka. However, in general usage, a stream rather than a spring will swell and flow. A spring is the point where the water rises from the ground to form the source of the stream, and it really must be the stream that flows in my yard too
I don’t mean to be nitpicky, and as I said, on first reading I got the picture unblemished, but now I can’t get past the wordage.
after spring downpour
swollen mountain spring…
flows in my yard
i ponder, why many desire to do so much, when less is best.
norman, this spring is akin to seasonal, “i think”.
norman, fearing even more confusion, this springs to mind, the first “spring” is seasonal, the second “spring” is relative to a stream.
now, i think of all the things others are to spring upon me for my comment. due to the spring in my step, i am able to sidestep them all.
if i were to weigh them all, the springs, in the scales, would probably break. then, when and if tomorrow should ever come, my associates are waiting to spring even more preposterous assumptions upon me…
dear jasminka, i really love this one.
mine to complement:
rain
dances on scarlet leaves
floating down river
her sudden outburst
the crowds attention …
focus on me
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