I like the contrast of the first two lines–which create a beautiful, elegant image of nature–with the sadness of the last line. This also brought to mind the feeling one has when they know they’re witnessing something beautiful, but are unable to appreciate it because of some pressing need (example, a farmer’s need for water). In other words, the beauty of nature and our inability to wholly recognize and appreciate.
The contrast was also a very effective way to emphasize the sadness and need in the final line.
My only suggestion would be a dash (kireji) after the word “blossom”, to further emphasize the contrast between natural beauty and human sadness (and need). Just a suggestion, though. Well done! :o)
sentimental…
strange, how a western came to mind, or rather how most of the better westerns end, someone riding off into the sunset.
i pictured ann’s words, oddly, i felt confusion within them, or better said, “trying to say so much with so little.”
major surgery.
case in point:
gusting wind, white…
apple blossoms falling
beckoned, by parched earth
desiring rain
ann, i pictured the moment.
I like the contrast of the first two lines–which create a beautiful, elegant image of nature–with the sadness of the last line. This also brought to mind the feeling one has when they know they’re witnessing something beautiful, but are unable to appreciate it because of some pressing need (example, a farmer’s need for water). In other words, the beauty of nature and our inability to wholly recognize and appreciate.
The contrast was also a very effective way to emphasize the sadness and need in the final line.
My only suggestion would be a dash (kireji) after the word “blossom”, to further emphasize the contrast between natural beauty and human sadness (and need). Just a suggestion, though. Well done! :o)
a show
lying black clouds and wind
no rain after all
rain
and more rain —
flowers too wet to bloom
–