Steve Dolphy started writing haiku and senryu in 1998. He has had poems published in a number of magazines worldwide as well as in various anthologies, eg. The New Haiku (2002), Red Moon Anthology (2000, 2002).
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This is an excellent, playful senryu… I felt, however, that the sense of balance was conveyed with the first line, so the last line wasn’t really a surprise. My suggestion would be to switch the second and third lines, so that the balance of her smile would be the final surprising image of the poem.
tightrope walker—
her perfectly balanced
smile
Perhaps that’s just me unconsciously trying to make the poem my own… Anyway, I love your image, and thanks for sharing!
i feel, steve has stealthily slipped a simile pass us.
the haiku, at it’s finest, illustrates what’s being said, isn’t being said.
“tightrope walker”, i sense, isn’t about the act of this individual actually walking the tightrope, instead it’s about her walk through life.
“even her smile”, points out how whatever life presents to you, one’s smile(her reaction to life) is resulting in the same(likewise) manner, tilting neither to the right nor left.
“balance”, i laughed out loud, SO TRUE, SO TRUE
of zen and Scripture;
and most assuredly, an accurate description through this haiku
I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparisoncontrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.
I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparisoncontrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.
I enjoyed this poem, so very much, and will place it in category senryu, rather than haiku. I like the introduction of the setting in Line One but I have to agree with Michael Meyerhofer’s comment about the placing of the surprise in line Three. So that I would switch Lines Two and Three; with “balanced” placed in Line two as the pivot.
A very enjoyable senryu!
Nice one, Steve. Thanks for the smile.
This is an excellent, playful senryu… I felt, however, that the sense of balance was conveyed with the first line, so the last line wasn’t really a surprise. My suggestion would be to switch the second and third lines, so that the balance of her smile would be the final surprising image of the poem.
tightrope walker—
her perfectly balanced
smile
Perhaps that’s just me unconsciously trying to make the poem my own… Anyway, I love your image, and thanks for sharing!
I really enjoyed your haiku.
It is balanced too!
i feel, steve has stealthily slipped a simile pass us.
the haiku, at it’s finest, illustrates what’s being said, isn’t being said.
“tightrope walker”, i sense, isn’t about the act of this individual actually walking the tightrope, instead it’s about her walk through life.
“even her smile”, points out how whatever life presents to you, one’s smile(her reaction to life) is resulting in the same(likewise) manner, tilting neither to the right nor left.
“balance”, i laughed out loud, SO TRUE, SO TRUE
of zen and Scripture;
and most assuredly, an accurate description through this haiku
steve, well done
I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparisoncontrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.
I call this a haiku and not a senryu. It has a legitimate comparisoncontrast. It is not sarcastic or bawdy or humorous for the sake of humor & is therefore a very decent haiku. Balance is found everywhere.
I enjoyed this poem, so very much, and will place it in category senryu, rather than haiku. I like the introduction of the setting in Line One but I have to agree with Michael Meyerhofer’s comment about the placing of the surprise in line Three. So that I would switch Lines Two and Three; with “balanced” placed in Line two as the pivot.
three ring circus
the tightrope walker falls
to the net
Anyone want to renga?
enjoyed this senryu & agree with MM that the lines could be changed a little…either way (or rather, in both ways) the image works.
tightrope walker
the child practises walking
at the edge of his bed
politically correct –
his mannerism
covering the flaws
–