school garden
sunflower bowing
under a crow’s weight
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River Malcolm
River Malcolm is a family therapist living on Orcas Island in Washington state. Although she has written poetry for almost fifty years, she fell in love with haiku as a daily practice this past summer.
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14 thoughts on “”
i seem to be missing something here. we have the school garden,
the sunflower, and the crow. is there something significant
within this triad? sorry, but this haiku seems to lack the
aha moment.
Too many of today’s haiku exhibit this three line, too loosely connected structure. Haiku should, instead, represent create an intensely tight image and idea– the AHA!
Ed, My first response was to be offended at your direct attack on my (and Lee’s) person. On reflection, I realize that I should be proud to have hit a nerve on only my second comment on the haiku I have read.
but i wonder if ed’s words were meant to be offensive, rather, perchance, his thoughts ran along the same stream as your second and third response; albeit for lack of substance, he allowed you to think the worst from a multitude of conceivable human reactions
as once stated somewhere, put yourself in the crow’s shoes””
“”indeed, there are days and days we, all, are crows””
===================
though it’s the heart of summer —
wall of fog
heighten my views”
actually, lee and anne’s remarks were quite refreshing. no one has ever improved
their art by virtue of meaningless
patronization. no poem regardless of
length is ever finished. i think lee and
anne were providing constructive
criticism. thanks to both!
lawrence,
of late, there seems to be this loss for words; and yet, as the saying goes, wo heads are better than one””.
allow me to expand upon this, “”no, three, four, ever so many more””.
these comments show some meaningful spirit.
within your words, “”(meaningless patronizing) and no poem regardless of length is ever finished”” provide an insight, (i feel), so many fail to comprehend.
“”criticism””, in general, succeeds in making the haiku even stronger.”
Dear all,
I believe in constructive criticism. Operative word is constructive. But even with all this criticism and discussion, the poem hasn’t changed. Our understanding of it has … hopefully. A quote of Thomas Carlye has some application. The tradegy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss.”” It seems to me that when we judge too quickly, we miss much.”
when i read this haiku, i see it
as an allegory. the garden is
the classroom, the sunflower is
a student ( or students ) and the
crow is a mean ‘ol school marm,
who’s carrying a whole lot of
toxic baggage, or weight,”” that’s
crushing the life out of the
student / students. the poem works
me.
i seem to be missing something here. we have the school garden,
the sunflower, and the crow. is there something significant
within this triad? sorry, but this haiku seems to lack the
aha moment.
Too many of today’s haiku exhibit this three line, too loosely connected structure. Haiku should, instead, represent create an intensely tight image and idea– the AHA!
Dear Lee and Anne, have you ever thought of yourselves as crows?
ed s.
you’re too funny
Ed, My first response was to be offended at your direct attack on my (and Lee’s) person. On reflection, I realize that I should be proud to have hit a nerve on only my second comment on the haiku I have read.
And Yes, Ed, there are days when we all are crows, weighting down our world. Yet it accepts us and bounces back.
One white rose
weighted by the morning fog
late October
nice comeback, anne —
but i wonder if ed’s words were meant to be offensive, rather, perchance, his thoughts ran along the same stream as your second and third response; albeit for lack of substance, he allowed you to think the worst from a multitude of conceivable human reactions
as once stated somewhere, put yourself in the crow’s shoes””
“”indeed, there are days and days we, all, are crows””
===================
though it’s the heart of summer —
wall of fog
heighten my views”
actually, lee and anne’s remarks were quite refreshing. no one has ever improved
their art by virtue of meaningless
patronization. no poem regardless of
length is ever finished. i think lee and
anne were providing constructive
criticism. thanks to both!
crows
on a snow covered field
crows
lawrence,
of late, there seems to be this loss for words; and yet, as the saying goes, wo heads are better than one””.
allow me to expand upon this, “”no, three, four, ever so many more””.
these comments show some meaningful spirit.
within your words, “”(meaningless patronizing) and no poem regardless of length is ever finished”” provide an insight, (i feel), so many fail to comprehend.
“”criticism””, in general, succeeds in making the haiku even stronger.”
lee,
upon closer inspection, you should see there’s more to river’s haiku than a school, a flower, and a crow; the aha”” is in the interaction.”
Dear all,
I believe in constructive criticism. Operative word is constructive. But even with all this criticism and discussion, the poem hasn’t changed. Our understanding of it has … hopefully. A quote of Thomas Carlye has some application. The tradegy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss.”” It seems to me that when we judge too quickly, we miss much.”
when i read this haiku, i see it
as an allegory. the garden is
the classroom, the sunflower is
a student ( or students ) and the
crow is a mean ‘ol school marm,
who’s carrying a whole lot of
toxic baggage, or weight,”” that’s
crushing the life out of the
student / students. the poem works
me.
after school
we learn the art
of moonshine”
rose garden
after the rain
a bed of wetdreams
somethings are meant to be permanent; however, the time has changed…
–
spring rain lingers
in the media room–
“blade runner’s” haunting tune