a spot of light from the hand mirror travels up and down her arm
shadow patterns her neck
—Harold Bowes
Issue 09.1 | 18 February 2010
Yes, nice senryu, if the last two lines are ignored as redundent and distracting.
I can, also, imagine a car mirror. A different spin. Perhaps stopped at traffic lights, as the effect takes place, an urban night, with neon and rain.
gorgeous. last lines are good for me.
I agree, the last two lines are distracting. Other than that great poetry!
Not as distracting as ” redundent.”
Cool post.
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February 18th, 2010 at 10:49 am
Yes, nice senryu, if the last two lines are ignored as redundent and distracting.
I can, also, imagine a car mirror. A different spin. Perhaps stopped at traffic lights, as the effect takes place, an urban night, with neon and rain.
February 18th, 2010 at 11:40 am
gorgeous. last lines are good for me.
February 18th, 2010 at 11:41 am
I agree, the last two lines are distracting. Other than that great poetry!
February 18th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Not as distracting as ”
redundent.”
November 27th, 2017 at 9:33 am
Cool post.