Barry Goodmann (bgoodmann at aol.com) is a poet, writer and editor who lives in the New York metropolitan area. He has published poetry on several websites and in various literary magazines.
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8 thoughts on “”
This doesn’t do it for me. It seems to be just a sentence with a couple of line breaks.
I realise this could be said about some rather good haiku too, but this one just doesn’t elicit any reaction in me… Sorry Barry!
the things that do come to mind, as though the gatekeeper has been careless; (sigh) back to the matter at hand.
to think, if my head was not attached, where might it be now.
in examining this piece, my soul whispered, “there’s simply nothing there, at least not yet”. in continuing; was i reading the ingredients on the side of a can.
i am grasping for words to further explain.
there is a picture drawn here, yet…
i can’t relate, perhaps a remake is in order. the subject matter has potential.
case in point:
life line…
kites not known to swim
broken string
surely, there is someone else who understands the lack of something artistically being produced.
hooray, there’s norman, people will begin to wonder, “what is this, again, norman and bob in agreement”.
yes, dragon kites are rather picturesque, but here it seemingly was laid to rest or simply set adrift.
there are times when less is best, for within a haiku, does lives a soul…
I find this a satisfying image having observed people kite flying at the beach and wondering how they would feel if the string snapped.It is just to be enjoyed for itself. Musicality is important to me and to this end I would replace the ‘the’ in the last line with ‘a’.There is an inferred line break on the first line, maybe a ‘~’? Peace.
This doesn’t do it for me. It seems to be just a sentence with a couple of line breaks.
I realise this could be said about some rather good haiku too, but this one just doesn’t elicit any reaction in me… Sorry Barry!
the things that do come to mind, as though the gatekeeper has been careless; (sigh) back to the matter at hand.
to think, if my head was not attached, where might it be now.
in examining this piece, my soul whispered, “there’s simply nothing there, at least not yet”. in continuing; was i reading the ingredients on the side of a can.
i am grasping for words to further explain.
there is a picture drawn here, yet…
i can’t relate, perhaps a remake is in order. the subject matter has potential.
case in point:
life line…
kites not known to swim
broken string
surely, there is someone else who understands the lack of something artistically being produced.
hooray, there’s norman, people will begin to wonder, “what is this, again, norman and bob in agreement”.
yes, dragon kites are rather picturesque, but here it seemingly was laid to rest or simply set adrift.
there are times when less is best, for within a haiku, does lives a soul…
I find this a satisfying image having observed people kite flying at the beach and wondering how they would feel if the string snapped.It is just to be enjoyed for itself. Musicality is important to me and to this end I would replace the ‘the’ in the last line with ‘a’.There is an inferred line break on the first line, maybe a ‘~’? Peace.
A good image. Perhaps stronger with colour?
broken string –
a red dragon swims
into a wave
Having just caught up on the overnight news, this speaks to me. With prayers for peace…
I liked it; it produced a vivid image for me.
japanese kite festival
gods and legends
fight in the sky
broken promises —
the sparrow
falls to earth
–