Martin Cohen was born in the South Bronx somewhere on Simpson Street, went to a Yeshiva on East Broadway and Canal Street, and then lived in the South of Brooklyn, the South of Long Island, The Southern Tier of Upstate New York, The South of Manhattan, and finally South Jersey in Egg Harbor.
View all posts by martin gottlieb cohen
I like what you are doing, but think I’d rather see “dinoflagellates” or “glowing dinoflagellates” or some shorter words :) instead of “faint stars”. With the clouded sky, it comes off like poetic trickery; and also requires the attached explanation. I think a good haiku should stand on its own.
love your site, and I have to argee with Mr. Miller
not that I feel that you need much help, since I’ve
followed your haiku in the US, Japan, and
translations by Serge Tome, for a couple of years
now.
Let me know if you’re interested in performance
poetry?
I live about 8 miles south of May’s Landing, in
Buena, of Rt. 40
Martin: Having been born & raised in San Diego
I have seen these algae many times – so really
enjoy this moment of yours.
My only question on your new version, is the
use of “tiny”. I am not a marine biologist,
but thought all algae were tiny – if so, might
its use in the poem border on a redundancy?
I think it is a good, solid, haiku without “tiny”.
The piece might work better as haibun, the prose context preceding the haiku thus making the “stars” explicable. I don’t think “tiny algae”, though perhaps making it more factually accurate, improves the poem. The loss of the correspondence between the clouded sky and the starred sea would be unfortunate.
Michael I agree with you. I didn’t mean to make this into a help list. It does seem redundant with “tiny” and your version best shows, I think, the extra ordinary moment of an extra ordinary thing.
I think the rewrite an excellent one! The moment is such a small (and as you say ordinary) one, yet I think it extrapolates into a much larger more powerful one as well. Quite beautiful and moving!
Very nice.
I like what you are doing, but think I’d rather see “dinoflagellates” or “glowing dinoflagellates” or some shorter words :) instead of “faint stars”. With the clouded sky, it comes off like poetic trickery; and also requires the attached explanation. I think a good haiku should stand on its own.
hello Martin,
love your site, and I have to argee with Mr. Miller
not that I feel that you need much help, since I’ve
followed your haiku in the US, Japan, and
translations by Serge Tome, for a couple of years
now.
Let me know if you’re interested in performance
poetry?
I live about 8 miles south of May’s Landing, in
Buena, of Rt. 40
Thanks Gene and paul for your comments. I think you’re right:
clouded night
tiny algae glow in the bow wave
martin
Martin: Having been born & raised in San Diego
I have seen these algae many times – so really
enjoy this moment of yours.
My only question on your new version, is the
use of “tiny”. I am not a marine biologist,
but thought all algae were tiny – if so, might
its use in the poem border on a redundancy?
I think it is a good, solid, haiku without “tiny”.
clouded night
algae glow in the bow wave
Just food for thought!
The piece might work better as haibun, the prose context preceding the haiku thus making the “stars” explicable. I don’t think “tiny algae”, though perhaps making it more factually accurate, improves the poem. The loss of the correspondence between the clouded sky and the starred sea would be unfortunate.
martin, each time i read your “about the author”, my thoughts are in pursuit of where on “simpson street”.
within this piece, i see “pure unadulterated martin”.
martin, there is seemingly always “a hint of what’s going on”, in your creations.
in your explanation, bears all the material you needed for this piece to be totally understood, however that is not the “martin way”.
martin, if you change now, i would become speechless, you have created a style that’s your own.
“clouded night
faint stars surface in the bow wave”
i’ve found myself continually contemplating, since the first time i read it.
might i say, martin,
“clouded night
tiny algae glow in the bow wave”,
brings you down among the mortals.
to my way of thinking this is not you, martin don’t be so easily swayed.
Michael I agree with you. I didn’t mean to make this into a help list. It does seem redundant with “tiny” and your version best shows, I think, the extra ordinary moment of an extra ordinary thing.
Hi Martin,
I think the rewrite an excellent one! The moment is such a small (and as you say ordinary) one, yet I think it extrapolates into a much larger more powerful one as well. Quite beautiful and moving!
Thanks for sharing
clouded night
algae glow in the bow wave
F.D.R. Drive
the sound of rain travels
on the river
Anyone want to renga?
foghorn –
sea-spray
against the windows
–