Betty Kaplan, BKaplan297 at aol.com
Retired from the Fashion Industry. Used to arrange clothes. Now arranging words. Started to write haiku five years ago. Published in Frogpond, Lynx, Woodpecker, South by Southeast World Haiku Review and American Tanka.
View all posts by Betty Kaplan
bob,
your point is well taken, however not all
events are poetic and some need a bit of embellishment. again, i think this poem
would benifit from something other than
he brings.”” as it stands, my first and
lasting reaction to the poem is “”so what…””
drive in movie…
fireflies meander
through the love scene
independence day
i release the bees
from a honey jar”
bob,
think of embellishments as condiments.
like mustard and catsup, like hot sauce and
onions. some things just need to be
dresed up. as for me i prefer mustard
and onions on my hot dogs.
lawrence, true again.
this goes to show the individuality in us, if given the chance to be expressed. alas, many refrain from speaking out.
your question of the captured fireflies longevity crossed my mind, recently. thinking back, i recalled their passing after one night. even in my childhood, this seemed strange; however, i accepted it as the norm.
midnight’s pressing thoughts —
a search for the off switch
in the dark
betty, i too, thank you; just think how much fun the (picnic) would have been if lawrence and i had attended, or if, we’d simply happened by your (table) …
_
nit-picking: to some, (excessively involvement) with unimportant details, sounds akin to (the haiku)
and yet, i contemplate seeing through another’s eyes
_
cool humid morn
strange, the hound’s bay —
the mockingbird’s silent perch
night light
at his window…
fireflies
not to be mean, but this haiku seems to be missing something. the first line i think is
lacking…
black out
he brings to the picnic table
a jar of fireflies
something like the above i think would make
this piece stronger.
Pittsburgh…
dawn erupts from open door
of a steel foundry
summer night-
flashing lights twinkle
fireflies dance
bob,
your point is well taken, however not all
events are poetic and some need a bit of embellishment. again, i think this poem
would benifit from something other than
he brings.”” as it stands, my first and
lasting reaction to the poem is “”so what…””
drive in movie…
fireflies meander
through the love scene
independence day
i release the bees
from a honey jar”
bob,
think of embellishments as condiments.
like mustard and catsup, like hot sauce and
onions. some things just need to be
dresed up. as for me i prefer mustard
and onions on my hot dogs.
lawrence, my efforts are to be on the same page; ahh yes, one of the other meanings.
with this understanding, i’ll go you one better.
what of the hot dog ingredients; however back to the query at hand.
i’d think most picnics are during daylight hours, less susceptible to (blackouts).
of all the things brought to the picnic, (this child) brings, or having caught fireflies, proudly displays them on the table
————-
in the dark —
eating hot dog
without the bun
fishing
two fish drying up
at his side
lawrence, touché, and now for my absetzen.
picnic, daylight hours- true
firefly, approaching twilight- true
people sitting in the dark, not hardly, but conceivably; an implication, rather loosely, if at all.
no juxtapose, conceivable
as for this being a picnic, i’ll use your word, implied”” from the words used in haiku.
fireflies possibly captured, the day before(re-read my previous statement)
now what …”
bob,
the poem does succeed in spurring debate.
do you think those fireflies would have survived that long in captivity?
pick-
nic-
king,
black ants swarm the chocolate covered ants.
family reunion
uncle lester dips an ant
in the chocolate fondue
lawrence, true again.
this goes to show the individuality in us, if given the chance to be expressed. alas, many refrain from speaking out.
your question of the captured fireflies longevity crossed my mind, recently. thinking back, i recalled their passing after one night. even in my childhood, this seemed strange; however, i accepted it as the norm.
midnight’s pressing thoughts —
a search for the off switch
in the dark
bob,
midnight’s pressing thoughts”” is an
excellent senryu. thanks for posting
this piece. betty, thank you for starting
the whole process.
meditating
the shadow of a cloud
drifts across the wall”
nickpicking! lol
lawrence,
i thank you
betty, i too, thank you; just think how much fun the (picnic) would have been if lawrence and i had attended, or if, we’d simply happened by your (table) …
_
nit-picking: to some, (excessively involvement) with unimportant details, sounds akin to (the haiku)
and yet, i contemplate seeing through another’s eyes
_
cool humid morn
strange, the hound’s bay —
the mockingbird’s silent perch