first cold night–
the click of your domino
as we play by the fire
Published by
Michael Dylan Welch
Michael Dylan Welch is poet laureate of Redmond, Washington, and curator for two poetry reading series in Redmond. His latest poetry book is True Colour. He is a longtime officer of the Haiku Society of America, and proprietor of National Haiku Writing Month (www.nahaiwrimo.com). His personal website is www.graceguts.com, devoted mostly to poetry.
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26 thoughts on “”
first cold night
was it at my birth–
midst november insomnia
Thanks, all, for the comments and poems. I’ve sometimes heard people say that haiku (and even other writing) should use the fewest words possible. Instead, however, I think it’s best to use the fewest words necessary. That’s an important difference.
michael, too often an explanation isn’t sufficed within a few words. fewest words possible/necessary suggests sterility. brief words, even when synonymous, leaves much to be desired. i waiver. ¿brevity? “conciseness” better serves. is there a difference, if quality is being observed.
validity of what others say?
–
cool night air
rustling through the fronds
this spider continues to web
The distinction I’m trying to make is that “fewest words possible” tends to lop off useful words (such as articles), as if merely shortness were a virtue. Some things are novels, some things are tanka, some are haiku, some haiku are refined by saying what’s needed. “Fewest words necessary” strives to say what needs to be said, which includes the avoidance of sterility. That’s the point.
begging to differ; while observing 400 characters rule. haiku fail from (counting of syllables) syndrome. haiku are rendered senseless by fewness. “i’m trying to make”, is there a difference had your words been, “i’m making”? (few) has never equated to (what’s necessary). a novel is expected to be of many pages; but isn’t necessary
I think we agree. Your revision isn’t the same, obviously, and that’s my point. It veers towards the fewest words possible, and isn’t the fewest words necessary — which require saying what needs to be said, for meaning, tone, music, tradition, and other things. To me, your revision isn’t an example of the fewest words “necessary” at all. In other words, how long is a piece of string?
string’s length, (about this long). some sophistication to the question, thoughts of (php:a server-side html embedded scripting language); now is not the time for that discussion.
there’s been agreement to certain points in your response; hashing this, i drew a proverbial line ;-)
my remake, yes, fewer words, even fewer renders it nonsensical
How long is a piece of string? As long as it needs to be. I mean that the best piece of string will be exactly the length it needs to be for a particular purpose, the way an engine has no unnecessary parts — as opposed to being “as small as possible.”
And yes, Gosia, thanks for your comments — something I hadn’t even realized about my own poem (yet subconsciously there). Much appreciated.
interesting analogy; again, i differ. (a) often is an indefinite article. in your question, the identity of the referent seems unknown(not this nor that piece…). (a) better phrase, “how long is (the)…”; or use partitive article, reflects an unknown amount. rumor has it, there are no english partitive articles. too often, a piece of string isn’t the exact length needed(too short/long). “best”?
Never mind the analogy if it doesn’t work for you. Cut the string exactly to the length needed, and don’t put up with pieces of string that are the wrong length. Regardless of the analogy, a haiku should find its ideal length and form to fit what needs to be said (Denise Levertov referred to this as organic form). Again, there’s a difference between shortest possible and shortest necessary. :-)
amazing-
presumptuous, (the) string isn’t too short.
michael, much in life one has to deal with; yet, we find ways of making it work. (a) thought on (the) haiku, in our haste to write a(an) haiku, there’s too (much) disregard of (the) original language being (a necessary) factor; albeit, from our blissful moments, we attempt to make it work…
Of course, we always try to make our experience work in haiku. That may well be a separate joy from the challenge of crafting a haiku. Either way, in polishing a poem of any length, seasoned writers will tell you that, in the process, the poem finds its rightness. For me, one way I describe that rightness is by saying that it should have the fewest words necessary, not the fewest words possible.
rightness, even justness(shorter) impedes the thought process.
rightness: conformity with some esthetic(aesthetic) standard of correctness. sure, your seasoned writers might agree.
rightness, & the haiku wouldn’t have developed, nor further evolve.
albeit, i hope(to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment) you respond again ;-)
first cold night
was it at my birth–
midst november insomnia
frosty window…
my tired mind shams renga
-on line-
_M
wonderfully atmospheric
indian summer
shocked into reality
first cold night
the moon is cold too…
my hands warming one another
by the fireside
brevity should apply to the bio also.
lightning
the rumble of boggle cubes
as we sit out the storm
paul, what constitutes brevity; oops, paul winters, what constitutes brevity.
Thanks, all, for the comments and poems. I’ve sometimes heard people say that haiku (and even other writing) should use the fewest words possible. Instead, however, I think it’s best to use the fewest words necessary. That’s an important difference.
michael, too often an explanation isn’t sufficed within a few words. fewest words possible/necessary suggests sterility. brief words, even when synonymous, leaves much to be desired. i waiver. ¿brevity? “conciseness” better serves. is there a difference, if quality is being observed.
validity of what others say?
–
cool night air
rustling through the fronds
this spider continues to web
The distinction I’m trying to make is that “fewest words possible” tends to lop off useful words (such as articles), as if merely shortness were a virtue. Some things are novels, some things are tanka, some are haiku, some haiku are refined by saying what’s needed. “Fewest words necessary” strives to say what needs to be said, which includes the avoidance of sterility. That’s the point.
Enjoyed the poem and the discussion.
WOW!
I like the haiku very much. The domino matches to the other pieces, as You match to her in this peaceful, quiet and warm evening — together at home.
Great.
begging to differ; while observing 400 characters rule. haiku fail from (counting of syllables) syndrome. haiku are rendered senseless by fewness. “i’m trying to make”, is there a difference had your words been, “i’m making”? (few) has never equated to (what’s necessary). a novel is expected to be of many pages; but isn’t necessary
coldest night
dominoes click
as we play, fireside
same?
I think we agree. Your revision isn’t the same, obviously, and that’s my point. It veers towards the fewest words possible, and isn’t the fewest words necessary — which require saying what needs to be said, for meaning, tone, music, tradition, and other things. To me, your revision isn’t an example of the fewest words “necessary” at all. In other words, how long is a piece of string?
string’s length, (about this long). some sophistication to the question, thoughts of (php:a server-side html embedded scripting language); now is not the time for that discussion.
there’s been agreement to certain points in your response; hashing this, i drew a proverbial line ;-)
my remake, yes, fewer words, even fewer renders it nonsensical
old aches
sun shines brighter on
new day
Gosia, I likeyour response very much. For me, you are “right on”!
terrific
How long is a piece of string? As long as it needs to be. I mean that the best piece of string will be exactly the length it needs to be for a particular purpose, the way an engine has no unnecessary parts — as opposed to being “as small as possible.”
And yes, Gosia, thanks for your comments — something I hadn’t even realized about my own poem (yet subconsciously there). Much appreciated.
interesting analogy; again, i differ. (a) often is an indefinite article. in your question, the identity of the referent seems unknown(not this nor that piece…). (a) better phrase, “how long is (the)…”; or use partitive article, reflects an unknown amount. rumor has it, there are no english partitive articles. too often, a piece of string isn’t the exact length needed(too short/long). “best”?
first cold night
kangaroos thud by, as we shiver
in our hammocks
Thus was our introduction to our bush block in Australia, on Christmas Eve.
none of this addresses the issue of the bio
dwarfing the poem. but that’s ok.
pw
picture window
my face obscures
the mountain view
Never mind the analogy if it doesn’t work for you. Cut the string exactly to the length needed, and don’t put up with pieces of string that are the wrong length. Regardless of the analogy, a haiku should find its ideal length and form to fit what needs to be said (Denise Levertov referred to this as organic form). Again, there’s a difference between shortest possible and shortest necessary. :-)
amazing-
presumptuous, (the) string isn’t too short.
michael, much in life one has to deal with; yet, we find ways of making it work. (a) thought on (the) haiku, in our haste to write a(an) haiku, there’s too (much) disregard of (the) original language being (a necessary) factor; albeit, from our blissful moments, we attempt to make it work…
sidebar paul w, answer (the) question.
Of course, we always try to make our experience work in haiku. That may well be a separate joy from the challenge of crafting a haiku. Either way, in polishing a poem of any length, seasoned writers will tell you that, in the process, the poem finds its rightness. For me, one way I describe that rightness is by saying that it should have the fewest words necessary, not the fewest words possible.
sigh, that proverbial can of worms.
rightness, even justness(shorter) impedes the thought process.
rightness: conformity with some esthetic(aesthetic) standard of correctness. sure, your seasoned writers might agree.
rightness, & the haiku wouldn’t have developed, nor further evolve.
albeit, i hope(to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment) you respond again ;-)