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river’s edge
around the merganser’s body
ice thickening
—JOYCE JOSLIN LORENSON
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.
I've enjoyed revisiting this haiku, many thanks!
An intriguing variation on the hinge line which gathers up more tension within the poem and the fate of a fellow species. We are all animals, after all.
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I like the interesting nuances of stressed and unstressed word sections, and the assonance treatment, that equally enhance the fate of the bird. As well as the way that although both lines one and three are abrupt in conjunction with the more fuller middle line, it works in a hauntingly uncomfortable manner.
.
A very fine haiku.
.
Alan Summers
President, United Haiku and Tanka Society
..
January 18th, 2017 at 9:37 am
.
river’s edge
around the merganser’s body
ice thickening
—JOYCE JOSLIN LORENSON
.
.
I've enjoyed revisiting this haiku, many thanks!
An intriguing variation on the hinge line which gathers up more tension within the poem and the fate of a fellow species. We are all animals, after all.
.
I like the interesting nuances of stressed and unstressed word sections, and the assonance treatment, that equally enhance the fate of the bird. As well as the way that although both lines one and three are abrupt in conjunction with the more fuller middle line, it works in a hauntingly uncomfortable manner.
.
A very fine haiku.
.
Alan Summers
President, United Haiku and Tanka Society
..
January 20th, 2017 at 12:25 am
Thank you, Alan, for your kind consideration. I am honored by your words of praise.
Sincerely, Joyce
February 2nd, 2017 at 4:55 pm
A real sense of doom portrayed in this.
marion