Nice. It's difficult to play with idioms/cliches/etc in a haiku or senryu. The impulse is to turn them upside down. But you've taken it at face value, literally, and thrown in in the face of the reader. The bigger picture for me is how you've captured the notion that our idea of freedom is being slave to our devices.
Fresh and funny, while at the same time a sad/ironic commentary on the way we isolate ourselves–even in public places. To me, this poem is an excellent example of why we should not seek to entirely eliminate the colloquial or cliche from our short form poetry. Gotta wonder how many folks read this one on their devices using free WiFi…; )
A very neat senryu, and we can unearth more from it on subsequent readings. As wifi is technically 'free' in coffee shops, I wonder what would happen if it had to be paid for, as it's often the case in hotel rooms.
So many types of devices now can access the internet. I am slightly amused that the once humble telephone, once a thing for parents in the hallway, but never to be touched by children, is more a thing for children nowadays.
I do have a smartphone, which is useful when I get so many spam cold callers.
One of those deftly written verses that you wrote as:
"At the time, It just seemed the best way to say it."
And as Autumn mentions, today I'm viewing and composing via free wifi at a Best Western coffee lounge. :-)
October 17th, 2017 at 10:05 am
Haha! Very witty.
October 17th, 2017 at 11:25 am
I like it.
October 17th, 2017 at 1:18 pm
Nice. It's difficult to play with idioms/cliches/etc in a haiku or senryu. The impulse is to turn them upside down. But you've taken it at face value, literally, and thrown in in the face of the reader. The bigger picture for me is how you've captured the notion that our idea of freedom is being slave to our devices.
October 17th, 2017 at 1:21 pm
"thrown 'it' in the face… " And they call me an editor!
October 17th, 2017 at 7:37 pm
Thanks Bob. At the time, It just seemed the best way to say it. Anyway, thanks to all who offered up their comments. Very much appreciated.
October 17th, 2017 at 1:58 pm
__ I Like your comment line Bob; "our idea of freedom is being slave to our devices."
October 17th, 2017 at 2:06 pm
Nifty view Sam "each to our own." We cannot sweep the floor without our broom.
October 17th, 2017 at 2:20 pm
Fresh and funny, while at the same time a sad/ironic commentary on the way we isolate ourselves–even in public places. To me, this poem is an excellent example of why we should not seek to entirely eliminate the colloquial or cliche from our short form poetry. Gotta wonder how many folks read this one on their devices using free WiFi…; )
October 18th, 2017 at 4:01 am
.
re:
free Wi-Fi . . .
each to their
own device
—SAM BATEMAN
A very neat senryu, and we can unearth more from it on subsequent readings. As wifi is technically 'free' in coffee shops, I wonder what would happen if it had to be paid for, as it's often the case in hotel rooms.
So many types of devices now can access the internet. I am slightly amused that the once humble telephone, once a thing for parents in the hallway, but never to be touched by children, is more a thing for children nowadays.
I do have a smartphone, which is useful when I get so many spam cold callers.
One of those deftly written verses that you wrote as:
"At the time, It just seemed the best way to say it."
And as Autumn mentions, today I'm viewing and composing via free wifi at a Best Western coffee lounge. :-)
warm regards,
Alan
October 22nd, 2017 at 6:36 am
Love it!
The humour reminded me of this one by Al Fogel …
moonlight evening
my girlfriend and I
holding hand-helds
Holding-helds: Senryu for the Cyber Age
Al Fogel
July 2013
marion