skywriting all the disappearing words between us

 

 

(Second Place, 17th International Kusamakura Haiku Competition)


14 Responses

  1. Brandon Bordelon Says:

    If my pen
    were a plane
    my poems
    would fly

  2. Bruce F Says:

    lovely and moving

  3. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Bruce, for your kind comment.

  4. haikuapprentice Says:

    A lovely poem and well deserving of that prize, Margaret.

    I particularly like the horizontal format of this work which makes the reading so much more ambiguous,and creates for me a sense of "not quite grasping" the sentence, or of my interpretations fading and shifting and blowing between readings – so capturing in a verse the visual effect most of us know of how skywritten words disappear. Brilliant.

    My own past efforts at single line ku have been rather mediocre, but I'll make another attempt inspired by your poem, Margaret:

    departing flight contrails icicles lingering

    Strider

  5. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Strider, for such a thoughtful response to my poem . . .

  6. sanjuktaa Says:

    Congrats. Maggie! Lovely poem and worthy winner!

  7. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Sanjukta!

  8. Alan Summers Says:

    skywriting all the disappearing words between us

    —Margaret Dornaus
    Second Place, 17th International Kusamakura Haiku Competition

    A fine internal comparison, while watching a plane create words actual or imaginary words. The fading contrails echo either the lack of conversation, and communication, between the couple over the years as they drift apart, or that perhaps they know each other so well, they can enjoy each other's company without the need to constantly break into words.

    Wonderful.

    Alan, With Words

  9. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Alan.

    All best to you, Maggie

  10. polona Says:

    i like how this can take the reader in many directions, from funny to poignant.
    well done.

  11. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Polona

  12. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Fantastic, Maggie! Well deserved. :)

    marion

  13. Margaret Dornaus Says:

    Thank you, Marion. Love your haiku in the new Frogpond!

  14. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:

    Thank you! :)

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