Trees don pajamas
Of ostentatious color
Preparing to sleep.

—Michael J. Barney
        

About the author: Michael J. Barney works for a multi-national insurance megalith (not, alas, the same one as Wallace Stevens) where he toils day and night to facilitate the transfer of wealth from one pocket to another within the same pair of pants. In his spare time he scribbles poems, dotes on his wife, speculates on why Leonard Cohen and Jacques Brel are not as popular in America as Ricky Martin or Britney Spears and runs Gravity Presses (lest we all float away) Inc., a small press publisher of poetry chapbooks and a quarterly magazine, Now Here Nowhere. He can be contacted at mikeb50 at hotmail.com.

Responses to the haiku for 29 November 2000 by Michael J. Barney

  1.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-04-16 12:10:27
     

    well, this being the last of my reviews, on your works, i was blown out of the waters.

    there is something here, but it seems a little "deep", even for me.

    i loss my balance, by your usage of "ostentatious", be it current or archaic.

    i see personification, but not even "paradoxical" can lend a supportive hand.

    i fear any remake, at this time, would totally destroy what you had in mind.

    however, questions need to be asked, or if i were in your presence, i would be seen as thinking out loud.

    1. i visualized the tree, even one donning pjs, thinking, your following lines would elaborate.
    2. then, of "ostentatious" colors, i let go of this line, it was too heavy for me. i am thinking of something pretentious or impressive related, i don't get it, even using personification.
    3. "preparing to sleep", i ponder, michael.

    WHAT THE HECK.
    (suggestion only)

    case in point:


    trees don pajamas
    of the night's color, prepares...
    to sleep...

  2.  
    Mike
    2003-04-18 00:23:09
     

    the first synonym for ostentatious that comes to my mind is "showy" - clearly (to me) this indicates the colors of autumn. Normally i don't like metaphor in haiku, but i like this for some reason. "Preparing to sleep" - entering the dormancy of winter - what is interesting to me is that trees put on pajamas, but then sleep naked. Hmmm....

  3.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-08-28 16:21:50
     

    mike, after several months, i returned to this piece. i was bristling along, alone, until your last line was placed in my path, "...trees put on pajamas, but then sleep naked. Hmmm...", even the "hmmm", i felt signified something in your thinking; upon that note, i began looking around, feeling as though, there was someone else, nearby.


    strangely, mike, i hesitate in saying this, but, i am beginning to see what you saw; (bare) with me, a little while longer...

  4.  
    Narayanan (mahashishta at hotmail dot com)
    2004-01-02 13:01:57
     

    sparrows search
    musically for worms in
    the flower-bed ~

  5.  
    john tiong chunghoo (bagiruang at yahoo dot com)
    2004-02-04 08:41:21
     

    well spent
    imeda marcos' shoes
    that have reaped in millions

  6.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-04-27 19:31:53
     

    trees no more
    dark upon darkness --

    i close my eyes

    -

  7.  
    Vasile Moldovan (vasilemoldovan at yahoo dot com)
    2004-06-23 08:52:55
     

    Pitch darkness
    somebody talking in one's sleep
    the wind midnight

  8.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-10-30 20:47:20
     

    silent walk
    cool darkness of night ...
    evading sleep

  9.  
    ml carr
    2005-06-08 15:28:21
     

    i may be five years late with this comment,
    but better late than never. this is an
    awful haiku.

  10.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2006-03-07 14:40:21
     

    at day's end,
    cold sun slips
    beneath the palm trees
    one last coo

  11.