Trees don pajamas
Of ostentatious color
Preparing to sleep.
Published by
Michael J. Barney
Michael J. Barney works for a multi-national insurance megalith (not, alas, the same one as Wallace Stevens) where he toils day and night to facilitate the transfer of wealth from one pocket to another within the same pair of pants. In his spare time he scribbles poems, dotes on his wife, speculates on why Leonard Cohen and Jacques Brel are not as popular in America as Ricky Martin or Britney Spears and runs Gravity Presses (lest we all float away) Inc., a small press publisher of poetry chapbooks and a quarterly magazine, Now Here Nowhere. He can be contacted at mikeb50 at hotmail.com. View all posts by Michael J. Barney
well, this being the last of my reviews, on your works, i was blown out of the waters.
there is something here, but it seems a little “deep”, even for me.
i loss my balance, by your usage of “ostentatious”, be it current or archaic.
i see personification, but not even “paradoxical” can lend a supportive hand.
i fear any remake, at this time, would totally destroy what you had in mind.
however, questions need to be asked, or if i were in your presence, i would be seen as thinking out loud.
1. i visualized the tree, even one donning pjs, thinking, your following lines would elaborate.
2. then, of “ostentatious” colors, i let go of this line, it was too heavy for me. i am thinking of something pretentious or impressive related, i don’t get it, even using personification.
3. “preparing to sleep”, i ponder, michael.
WHAT THE HECK.
(suggestion only)
case in point:
trees don pajamas
of the night’s color, prepares…
to sleep…
the first synonym for ostentatious that comes to my mind is “showy” – clearly (to me) this indicates the colors of autumn. Normally i don’t like metaphor in haiku, but i like this for some reason. “Preparing to sleep” – entering the dormancy of winter – what is interesting to me is that trees put on pajamas, but then sleep naked. Hmmm….
mike, after several months, i returned to this piece. i was bristling along, alone, until your last line was placed in my path, “…trees put on pajamas, but then sleep naked. Hmmm…”, even the “hmmm”, i felt signified something in your thinking; upon that note, i began looking around, feeling as though, there was someone else, nearby.
strangely, mike, i hesitate in saying this, but, i am beginning to see what you saw; (bare) with me, a little while longer…
sparrows search
musically for worms in
the flower-bed ~
well spent
imeda marcos’ shoes
that have reaped in millions
trees no more
dark upon darkness —
i close my eyes
–
Pitch darkness
somebody talking in one’s sleep
the wind midnight
silent walk
cool darkness of night …
evading sleep
i may be five years late with this comment,
but better late than never. this is an
awful haiku.
at day’s end,
cold sun slips
beneath the palm trees
one last coo