muddy lot
of the psychiatrist
winter drizzle
Published by
Mark Brooks
Mark's haiku and renku have been published around the world and translated into several languages. He is the publisher and editor of haijinx, an international journal that examines humor in haikai. He has a hand in other haijinx sites and publications. Mark is also the incoming editor of the Haiku Society of America's newsletter. If you are incredibly interested in Mark, or simply bored, read his blog. Among other things, it covers haiku news and the happenings at haijinx. email: mbrooks at haikai dot info View all posts by Mark Brooks
in reading this piece, i expected something slightly different for the third line, rather than “winter drizzle”.
better yet, allow me the opportunity on beginning again.
“muddy lot”
i conceived muddle lot. upon saying this, i saw the light in mark’s words, however, with it being winter, my thoughts were of a frozen tundra. i feel too much handling was given to the first line, in an effort to create a dual purpose.
or even thinking more, possibly a re-arrangement of the lines would serve a better purpose.
case in point:
winter drizzle
psychiatrist’s encounters
muddy(muddle) lot
nice capturing mark, your seeing the (confused mental state, the confusion in thought or action); though “muddy” generates the thought of an abundance of mud, and your third line, initially said “drizzle rain”, hardly enough to create the conditions in your first line.
but, we could have “that which is soiled”, if we trudged a little deeper
pampered
the male patient’s head
in the woman dentist’s bossom
autumn, acorn fell
predawn, fallen aged oak tree —
fledgling doves roost
–
i-n-d-i-v-i-d-u-a-l-i-t-y
conform …
life’s idiosyncrasies
(somewhat philosophical, ha)
–
worn blanket
winter, both put away —
birds sing
“muddy lot of the psychiatrist?” that
sounds like broken english. couldn’t this
line have been phrased more smoothly. am
glad you are not teaching english.
yee
psychiatrist’s office
i analyze the ink blots
on his shirt pocket
doves in flight
my hope for today–
a flat tire