“Bedraggled” brings a smile. Wasn’t it Mark Twain who said that the difference between the right word and the almost-right word, is like the difference between lightning and a lightning bug?!
the visual is almost there, but “even” draws my focus from the squirrel to the surrounding environment to the extent that everything gets jumbled up and goes out of focus and leaves me wondering what I’m supposed to see.
i could picture all of helen’s words, but it is what ellen said that aided my thinking; yes, for lack of a better word or words in this case, and i didn’t smile.
even in the wettest snow, i picture the squirrel’s tail still held high, i wonder if we have a sickly squirrel. this, then, upset my appreciation of the haiku; those darn questions being asked.
i found my fellow panelists’ comments, being of more interest.
I agree with deborah russell’s comment, but I also wanted to add that this was a delightful haiku, which gave me a clear image of the melting winter and made me feel great sympathy for the squirrel. ;)
An interesting visual and haiku. I believe the articles could be trimmed and maintain the image :
wet snow –
even the squirrel’s tail
bedraggled
“Bedraggled” brings a smile. Wasn’t it Mark Twain who said that the difference between the right word and the almost-right word, is like the difference between lightning and a lightning bug?!
the visual is almost there, but “even” draws my focus from the squirrel to the surrounding environment to the extent that everything gets jumbled up and goes out of focus and leaves me wondering what I’m supposed to see.
i could picture all of helen’s words, but it is what ellen said that aided my thinking; yes, for lack of a better word or words in this case, and i didn’t smile.
even in the wettest snow, i picture the squirrel’s tail still held high, i wonder if we have a sickly squirrel. this, then, upset my appreciation of the haiku; those darn questions being asked.
i found my fellow panelists’ comments, being of more interest.
to bland, not enough image.
I agree with deborah russell’s comment, but I also wanted to add that this was a delightful haiku, which gave me a clear image of the melting winter and made me feel great sympathy for the squirrel. ;)
dust and dirt —
the duck
waggles a tail feather
–