I like the juxtaposition of swallows and stars. A nice moment.
I’ve graded many papers, but not poetry. Have not read that many technical articles about haiku. I like to learn by reading and practicing. Always tried for lots of conversation in my classes (early childhood to university teaching). Thank you.
The word swallows is the kigo, the ing could be dropped. I like the visuals. Very nice image.
morning stars—
barn swallows chatter
at driveway’s end
I like the juxtaposition of swallows and stars. A nice moment.
I’ve graded many papers, but not poetry. Have not read that many technical articles about haiku. I like to learn by reading and practicing. Always tried for lots of conversation in my classes (early childhood to university teaching). Thank you.
i am rereading deborah’s comments
i am rereading ellen’s comments
the lateness of the hour does things to one’s thought process.
i’ll try, anyway
april’s morning stars(seasonal/kigo)
or even, april, morning stars
morning stars(takes away the kigo)
barn swallows chattering(nature) gives it more of a “present” flavor
disagreeing with deborah, the “haiku” is generally nature in content, with a seasonal word being the kigo.
however, today most anything is acceptable.
the first two lines do present pivotal points.
in reading the third line, i began to reread.
where was the discovery, the surprise?
the third line let me down,
did the piece have two trains of thoughts, i wonder
perhaps the piece could become a two lines haiku, with the first and second line being used interchangeably
disagreeing with ellen on the “juxtapose”
the morning’s stars and the barn swallows were akin to a simile, even though the use of “like” or “as” was omitted
perhaps an assimilation