In the well
studying her image
a woman
Published by
R.K. Singh, Indian English Poet
Have been writing and publishing poetry for our three decades. Now retired, after having taught English language skills to students of science and technology for four decades at a technical university in India. My latest books include Sense and Silence: Collected Poems (2010), New and Selected Poems Tanka and Haiku (2012), I Am No Jesus, and other selected poems: Tanka and haiku (2014), You Can't Scent Me and Other Selected Poems (2016), Writing Editing Publishing:A Memoir (2016), God Too Awaits Light (2017), Growing Within (2017), Reflections: R.K.Singh's Poetry and Self (2018),There's No Paradise and Other Selected Poems Tanka & Haiku (2019), Against the Waves: Selected Poems (2021), Silence: A White Distrust (2022), Poems And Micropoems (2023). View all posts by R.K. Singh, Indian English Poet
Simple, direct, clear. Well done.
I like the image of this poem very much, but I found the lines a bit too fragmented. I’d suggest switching “in the well” with “a woman” to make it a bit more coherent. Also, perhaps jazz up “in the well” a bit by changing it to “wishing well”, or something like that? Just a suggestion! ;) Best wishes.
I like this poem very much as it is. Michael’s suggestion of
a woman
studying her image
in the well
seems to me to rob the poem of its separate images, its drama, its dénouement, to leave us with a rather pedestrian description of a single, albeit pretty, scene.
The original haiku presents us with a taut shift of focus with each line. I wonder why the visual kireji (present in the original) was dropped for the tinywords version?
Contact
deep…
strange things do come to mind.
i’ll share, to answer your curiosity.
as read, was she in the well, after having seen her image, from a distance, wanting a closer view.
enough said on the subject.
I must thank each of the readers of my haiku, but what Norman says is most appropriate as far as a change in the haiku is concerned.
In fact if one goes to a village in India, and observes women drawing water from the well, one can also occasionally see them seeing their image in the water.It makes various impressions.
One idea is “Drawing water” as a line, and then the reader can picture the well. I have not been to India, but after reading the comments, passages from the Bible came to mind, and then I saw the poem a little more. It’s a lovely mystery, isn’t it, the way writers and readers communicate, in the present, and across time and cultures.
This haiku is stark and minimalist. It doesn’t really move me, but I guess it’s okay.
I liked this poem very much, I felt it.
Thanks
Referencing Norman’s comment, I agree that the kireji in the original version adds to the poem; somehow that simple dash seems to give the poem a greater life, a pause that sharpens the image of the woman gazing into the well.
Not to beat a dead horse, but here’s what I was thinking with my original suggestion:
a woman
studies her image–
wishing well
Best wishes!
Although i basically like this, i feel it can be made more specific. “image” is one of those words inbetween concrete & abstract; i suggest picking another noun which will make it stronger. Likewise what about ‘into the well’ or some other stronger adverb. I feel it has a lot of promise. Sorry but one cannot write ‘wishing well’ if it wasn’t, the situation is rich enough without embellishing it.
killing two
birds with a stone
she checks herself with her CD
through my eyes —
a lovely woman
with low esteem
Gratitude for this memorable Haiku sir.
fishes dance on
mushroom clouds~sky with
a sun in the well
a stone dropped into
the invisible well-depths ~
a distant sound
fullmoon galaxies
afloat in our well~
a frog croaks love
in the window
dark and alluring eyes
as i stumble, i fall
–