Very clever – I like the way you have stretched the first and third lines and shortened the middle one, to give a steady beat of 6 syllables each line. It has the effect of slowing the poem, and capturing in poetic rhythm the summer experience you describe.
April 2nd, 2013 at 9:25 am
very nice, Kaylyssa
April 2nd, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Very clever – I like the way you have stretched the first and third lines and shortened the middle one, to give a steady beat of 6 syllables each line. It has the effect of slowing the poem, and capturing in poetic rhythm the summer experience you describe.
April 2nd, 2013 at 4:34 pm
Nice rhythm of words, bat and ball. Brings back Little League memories… :-)
April 3rd, 2013 at 12:28 pm
Wonderful capture of baseball in haiku, I think both Shiki and Cor van den Heuvel would appreciate this.
Alan
April 3rd, 2013 at 1:29 pm
This has really captured a dreamy, hazy moment of summer.
marion