A lovely poem and well deserving of that prize, Margaret.
I particularly like the horizontal format of this work which makes the reading so much more ambiguous,and creates for me a sense of "not quite grasping" the sentence, or of my interpretations fading and shifting and blowing between readings – so capturing in a verse the visual effect most of us know of how skywritten words disappear. Brilliant.
My own past efforts at single line ku have been rather mediocre, but I'll make another attempt inspired by your poem, Margaret:
—Margaret Dornaus
Second Place, 17th International Kusamakura Haiku Competition
A fine internal comparison, while watching a plane create words actual or imaginary words. The fading contrails echo either the lack of conversation, and communication, between the couple over the years as they drift apart, or that perhaps they know each other so well, they can enjoy each other's company without the need to constantly break into words.
July 17th, 2013 at 9:54 am
If my pen
were a plane
my poems
would fly
July 17th, 2013 at 10:23 am
lovely and moving
July 17th, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Thank you, Bruce, for your kind comment.
July 17th, 2013 at 8:25 pm
A lovely poem and well deserving of that prize, Margaret.
I particularly like the horizontal format of this work which makes the reading so much more ambiguous,and creates for me a sense of "not quite grasping" the sentence, or of my interpretations fading and shifting and blowing between readings – so capturing in a verse the visual effect most of us know of how skywritten words disappear. Brilliant.
My own past efforts at single line ku have been rather mediocre, but I'll make another attempt inspired by your poem, Margaret:
departing flight contrails icicles lingering
Strider
July 17th, 2013 at 9:58 pm
Thank you, Strider, for such a thoughtful response to my poem . . .
July 17th, 2013 at 8:42 pm
Congrats. Maggie! Lovely poem and worthy winner!
July 17th, 2013 at 9:47 pm
Thank you, Sanjukta!
July 18th, 2013 at 1:14 am
skywriting all the disappearing words between us
—Margaret Dornaus
Second Place, 17th International Kusamakura Haiku Competition
A fine internal comparison, while watching a plane create words actual or imaginary words. The fading contrails echo either the lack of conversation, and communication, between the couple over the years as they drift apart, or that perhaps they know each other so well, they can enjoy each other's company without the need to constantly break into words.
Wonderful.
Alan, With Words
July 18th, 2013 at 7:00 am
Thank you, Alan.
All best to you, Maggie
July 18th, 2013 at 11:05 am
i like how this can take the reader in many directions, from funny to poignant.
well done.
July 18th, 2013 at 3:13 pm
Thank you, Polona
July 26th, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Fantastic, Maggie! Well deserved. :)
marion
July 29th, 2013 at 9:58 am
Thank you, Marion. Love your haiku in the new Frogpond!
July 29th, 2013 at 10:35 am
Thank you! :)