.
Intriguing how important is the addition of the preposition:
in foreclosure
the dream house
we didn’t buy
—JULIE BLOSS KELSEY
.
Without 'in' the poem would be almost spiteful, but with 'in' it's more a sad financial fact of the dreamer; the owner; and economic situations locally, regionally, and nationally.
.
A deeply poignant senryu. I''m currently running an online senryu workshop (sold out), where the examples being workshopped show how equally powerful well crafted senryu are; and can certainly be on an equal pegging with haiku.
.
.
warmest regards,
Alan
.
Thanks, Alan. That's an excellent point about the use of prepositions, and one that I didn't consider when I was writing this. I did come from a place of wistful sadness rather than spite.
It was very clear you were wistful, thinking only good for the owners, and sad that it had been a dream house for you, but realising even for someone else, it was too much.
It's not just haiku and senryu, but single words can make or break longer poetry, or even important opening lines for short stories, and novels.
Time flies and world changes. How soon the change happens it's a reminder of the same. Hope, dreams and expectations are part of life and will remain in life as long as life remains. Bottomline is never give up in life.
The narrator was not destined to own this house and, sadly, neither was the previous owner. A dream denied in different ways. For some the desire is too great and they just have to go for it, whatever the risk.
May 22nd, 2017 at 8:49 am
Like your dream house poem!
my own backyard
I forget
to love it
May 22nd, 2017 at 5:26 pm
Mike, I hope you are sitting out there tonight, writing poetry. :)
May 22nd, 2017 at 10:20 am
.
Intriguing how important is the addition of the preposition:
in foreclosure
the dream house
we didn’t buy
—JULIE BLOSS KELSEY
.
Without 'in' the poem would be almost spiteful, but with 'in' it's more a sad financial fact of the dreamer; the owner; and economic situations locally, regionally, and nationally.
.
A deeply poignant senryu. I''m currently running an online senryu workshop (sold out), where the examples being workshopped show how equally powerful well crafted senryu are; and can certainly be on an equal pegging with haiku.
.
.
warmest regards,
Alan
.
May 22nd, 2017 at 5:23 pm
Thanks, Alan. That's an excellent point about the use of prepositions, and one that I didn't consider when I was writing this. I did come from a place of wistful sadness rather than spite.
May 22nd, 2017 at 10:09 pm
Dear Julie,
It was very clear you were wistful, thinking only good for the owners, and sad that it had been a dream house for you, but realising even for someone else, it was too much.
It's not just haiku and senryu, but single words can make or break longer poetry, or even important opening lines for short stories, and novels.
Well judged writing.
warmest regards,
Alan
May 22nd, 2017 at 1:34 pm
the last chapter
in foreclosure
my dream, deferred
May 22nd, 2017 at 5:25 pm
That's probably a better way to approach things – a dream deferred rather than a dream denied.
May 23rd, 2017 at 9:56 am
Thank you, Julie! Your poem is very beautiful, with many layers of meaning, thought provoking. I love it!
May 22nd, 2017 at 3:25 pm
I like the twist in the last line – well-written
May 22nd, 2017 at 5:25 pm
Thanks! :)
May 22nd, 2017 at 6:31 pm
I loved it! It has happened to me and I was sad I didn't get the house. Mom
May 22nd, 2017 at 6:57 pm
Love you, Mom!
May 22nd, 2017 at 9:05 pm
Thanks, Julie~~~
Last week relaxing @ Atlantic Sea:
afternoon ocean waves~~~
the falling sun
burns the sand
May 24th, 2017 at 12:38 am
Time flies and world changes. How soon the change happens it's a reminder of the same. Hope, dreams and expectations are part of life and will remain in life as long as life remains. Bottomline is never give up in life.
May 28th, 2017 at 12:48 am
The narrator was not destined to own this house and, sadly, neither was the previous owner. A dream denied in different ways. For some the desire is too great and they just have to go for it, whatever the risk.
marion