the rill’s trick
a greenfinch moves
its green around

 

 

 

(Third Place, 2018 Henderson Haiku Contest, Haiku Society of America)


17 Responses

  1. cezar ciobica Says:

    beautiful imagery!

  2. Alan Summers Says:

    Thank you!

    Plus I do love to do as many direct experience haiku as possible, with just a tweak. :-)

    warm regards,
    Alan

  3. ghittmeyer Says:

    Ah, yes. Nice one!

    Gary

  4. Alan Summers Says:

    Thank you!

    Very much appreciated.

    warm regards,
    Alan

  5. MaryJo Says:

    I really like this haiku and the action in it.
    It could be hard to see a rill but the green finch would be seen and would make it seem that the green land is moving along with the rill and the finch would be the rill's trick. The finch does the work.

  6. Alan Summers Says:

    Thank you! It was hard to see the bird, or even what kind of lifeform at first, just a bit of green shifting around. I knew it wasn't The Green Man, or was it? Perhaps the greenfinch was a representative?

    Alan

  7. Helen Buckingham Says:

    Lovely, Alan – I echo Cezar's comment. The monosyllables in the first line contrast perfectly with the fluidity of the rest, and the repetition of greenness underlines the rural nature of the scene to great effect. A vivid and memorable poem.

  8. Alan Summers Says:

    Thanks again Helen!

    It was fascinating that when I let go of trying to say so much, and simply changed one word which was verb and noun into that shorter word of 'trick' everything came together! :-)

    I'm also delighted that I have a handout for workshops for this, as it's one of those haiku that took a while to come out of itself in the right way to showcase nature. I deeply appreciate your wonderful description!

    the rill’s trick
    a greenfinch moves
    its green around

    —ALAN SUMMERS

  9. Bill Kenney Says:

    Good trick, Alan.

  10. Alan Summers Says:

    That's nature, isn't it? It usually has a pretty good system, and when something doesn't work, they create a new way.

    Yes, green shifting around, and those often temporary streams, all coming together, wonderful!

    Alan

  11. Alan Summers Says:

    Thanks Helen!

    I'm also delighted that I have a handout for workshops for this, as it's one of those haiku that took a while to come out of itself in the right way to showcase nature. I deeply appreciate your wonderful description!

    the rill’s trick
    a greenfinch moves
    its green around

    —ALAN SUMMERS

  12. Hema Says:

    What a sweet poem, Alan! Soothing imagery to the senses. Great work!

  13. Alan Summers Says:

    Thank you Hema!

    I was in Devon woodlands, co-leader for a haiku workshop and a haiku walk (ginko) along the River Dart. Very magical.

    Alan

  14. martin1223 Says:

    lost in the alluvial fan Martian winter

  15. Alan Summers Says:

    Hi Martin,
    .
    Unusual response, but I do have a few Martian haikai verses, here's one! :-)

    .

    Martian townships
    how do we start to make
    new prejudices

    Alan Summers
    "Insectoid Serendos" haikai sequence
    weird laburnum ed. Michael O’Brien (July 2019)

    .

    warm regards,
    Alan

  16. Christina Chin Says:

    Love this Alan.

  17. Alan Summers Says:

    Thank you!

    Sometimes a purely nature poem is all the magic we need. :-)

    Alan

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