the rill’s trick
a greenfinch moves
its green around
(Third Place, 2018 Henderson Haiku Contest, Haiku Society of America)
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the rill’s trick
a greenfinch moves
its green around
(Third Place, 2018 Henderson Haiku Contest, Haiku Society of America)
beautiful imagery!
Thank you!
Plus I do love to do as many direct experience haiku as possible, with just a tweak. :-)
warm regards,
Alan
Ah, yes. Nice one!
Gary
Thank you!
Very much appreciated.
warm regards,
Alan
I really like this haiku and the action in it.
It could be hard to see a rill but the green finch would be seen and would make it seem that the green land is moving along with the rill and the finch would be the rill's trick. The finch does the work.
Thank you! It was hard to see the bird, or even what kind of lifeform at first, just a bit of green shifting around. I knew it wasn't The Green Man, or was it? Perhaps the greenfinch was a representative?
Alan
Lovely, Alan – I echo Cezar's comment. The monosyllables in the first line contrast perfectly with the fluidity of the rest, and the repetition of greenness underlines the rural nature of the scene to great effect. A vivid and memorable poem.
Thanks again Helen!
It was fascinating that when I let go of trying to say so much, and simply changed one word which was verb and noun into that shorter word of 'trick' everything came together! :-)
I'm also delighted that I have a handout for workshops for this, as it's one of those haiku that took a while to come out of itself in the right way to showcase nature. I deeply appreciate your wonderful description!
the rill’s trick
a greenfinch moves
its green around
—ALAN SUMMERS
Good trick, Alan.
That's nature, isn't it? It usually has a pretty good system, and when something doesn't work, they create a new way.
Yes, green shifting around, and those often temporary streams, all coming together, wonderful!
Alan
Thanks Helen!
I'm also delighted that I have a handout for workshops for this, as it's one of those haiku that took a while to come out of itself in the right way to showcase nature. I deeply appreciate your wonderful description!
the rill’s trick
a greenfinch moves
its green around
—ALAN SUMMERS
What a sweet poem, Alan! Soothing imagery to the senses. Great work!
Thank you Hema!
I was in Devon woodlands, co-leader for a haiku workshop and a haiku walk (ginko) along the River Dart. Very magical.
Alan
lost in the alluvial fan Martian winter
Hi Martin,
.
Unusual response, but I do have a few Martian haikai verses, here's one! :-)
.
Martian townships
how do we start to make
new prejudices
Alan Summers
"Insectoid Serendos" haikai sequence
weird laburnum ed. Michael O’Brien (July 2019)
.
warm regards,
Alan
Love this Alan.
Thank you!
Sometimes a purely nature poem is all the magic we need. :-)
Alan