A splendid poem – hard to find a more suitable one for begining an Autumn-Winter issue. “I open to autumn”… the book, my thoughts, my memories, the window of my heart, another stage of my life. I'm not sure about the need of dividing the poem into three lines. Maybe two lines would fit better.
thank you all for feeling this moment with me… I was surprised, and felt an added layer of meaning in my own poem when it was placed as the opening of this new autumn~spun web of tiny words….dana marie, thank you especially for the list of openings… yes. And I had considered two lines, I wonder …
I thank you, Kathabela, for sharing your poem and my thanks to Dylan, for his choice. I wonder why I meet so few poems written in two-lines form. They are not an experiment, an innovation; on the contrary: ?Everybody in the world knows that haiku fall into 5/7/5 (and of course this leads to the preference for a three-line translation), but in terms of the actual effect of the originals, this can be very misleading. In fact, very few haiku (or hokku) fall straightforwardly into a three-phrase pattern, and indeed haiku poets tend to dislike this pattern. This is related to the fact that, because Japanese is not a stress language, a 5/7/5 pattern cannot actually cut across or be independent of the syntax in the way that, say, a iambic rhythm can in English. (?) In Japanese poetry, therefore, the flow of the syntax plays a different and much more dominant role in determining the rhythm of the verse. In this hokku, as so often, what we actually have within the 5/7/5 pattern is a 12/5 pattern, and a moment's reflection will show that many famous haiku are either 12/5 or 5/12.? ? prof Adrian Pinnigton ( Waseda University),on PMJS forum, speaking about a Buson?s hokku
In my opinion, the break after “open” is not only important, but the key of the poem. A “long/ short” arrangement would make the poem more fluent, harmonious:
I don't see a problem with the 3 lines, in fact, when compared to the two-line version I feel it is better the way it has been presented. alone in the library (creates the scene, the quiet, the scent of books, allows the reader to decide the time of day) I open (a mysterious line urging us to read the conclusion – open is a wonderful word here for what does one open oneself to?) to autumn (brilliant conclusion that includes a play on the fact we're in a library and may be reading an encyclopaedia; a gardening book; a photo book of a foreign country, etc). Three lines it is, and three lines it should be IMHO.
Thank all of you for this wonderful discussion, and the last four of you Dana, Larylee, Cindy, and Sara (!) for your beautiful exposition, just as I was feeling it. It is wonderful to have such a dialogue!
Thank all of you for this wonderful discussion, and the last four of you Dana, Larylee, Cindy, and Sara (!) for your beautiful exposition, just as I was feeling it. It is wonderful to have such a dialogue!
December 1st, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Kathe–
Hi — how are you?I like it!
December 1st, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Hi dear kathe,it is very beautiful. I liked it.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Enchanting understanding of a time of special solitude.
Thank you.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Lovely. Very nice moment.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:03 pm
the heater is on
strike, degree by degree the
days get colder
December 1st, 2009 at 7:41 pm
reading this offered a delightful moment
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 am
A splendid poem – hard to find a more suitable one for begining an Autumn-Winter issue. “I open to autumn”… the book, my thoughts, my memories, the window of my heart, another stage of my life.
I'm not sure about the need of dividing the poem into three lines. Maybe two lines would fit better.
Thank you
Dana-Maria
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:29 am
Wow.. thats really moving!
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
thank you all for feeling this moment with me… I was surprised, and felt an added layer of meaning in my own poem when it was placed as the opening of this new autumn~spun web of tiny words….dana marie, thank you especially for the list of openings… yes. And I had considered two lines, I wonder …
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 am
I thank you, Kathabela, for sharing your poem and my thanks to Dylan, for his choice.
I wonder why I meet so few poems written in two-lines form. They are not an experiment, an innovation; on the contrary:
?Everybody in the world knows that haiku fall into 5/7/5 (and of course this leads to the preference for a three-line translation), but in terms of the actual effect of the originals, this can be very misleading. In fact, very few haiku (or hokku) fall straightforwardly into a three-phrase pattern, and indeed haiku poets tend to dislike this pattern. This is related to the fact that, because Japanese is not a stress language, a 5/7/5 pattern cannot actually cut across or be independent of the syntax in the way that, say, a iambic rhythm can in English. (?) In Japanese poetry, therefore, the flow of the syntax plays a different and much more dominant role in determining the rhythm of the verse. In this hokku, as so often, what we actually have within the 5/7/5 pattern is a 12/5 pattern, and a moment's reflection will show that many famous haiku are either 12/5 or 5/12.? ? prof Adrian Pinnigton ( Waseda University),on PMJS forum, speaking about a Buson?s hokku
Thank you
Dana-Maria
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I really enjoyed this one!
December 4th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
In this case, I like the poem on three lines because the break after “open” leaves the reader with open expectations as to what will follow.
December 4th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
In my opinion, the break after “open” is not only important, but the key of the poem. A “long/ short” arrangement would make the poem more fluent, harmonious:
alone in the library I open
to autumn
Dana-Maria
December 7th, 2009 at 1:55 am
I don't see a problem with the 3 lines, in fact, when compared to the two-line version I feel it is better the way it has been presented.
alone in the library
(creates the scene, the quiet, the scent of books, allows the reader to decide the time of day)
I open
(a mysterious line urging us to read the conclusion – open is a wonderful word here for what does one open oneself to?)
to autumn
(brilliant conclusion that includes a play on the fact we're in a library and may be reading an encyclopaedia; a gardening book; a photo book of a foreign country, etc).
Three lines it is, and three lines it should be IMHO.
December 7th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
:)
December 8th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Thank all of you for this wonderful discussion, and the last four of you Dana, Larylee, Cindy, and Sara (!) for your beautiful exposition, just as I was feeling it. It is wonderful to have such a dialogue!
December 8th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Thank all of you for this wonderful discussion, and the last four of you Dana, Larylee, Cindy, and Sara (!) for your beautiful exposition, just as I was feeling it. It is wonderful to have such a dialogue!
March 10th, 2014 at 11:38 pm
That is the good time to study.
September 7th, 2016 at 9:59 am
Beautiful!
leaf by leaf…
The diary of tree.