Mike– tinywords is not a workshop site. The comments here are for reactions and responses, preferably in the form of haiku, tanka, or other short poems. Please don't use this space for critiques.
As every page on this site says, below the comments: "We encourage readers to leave responses to the poems published on tinywords. We're especially excited about responses that take the form of your own haiku or short poems, but comments are also welcome, if they are short and polite."
Good job, Korie. Perfectly captures the metaphysical spirit of road trips and ghostly images of long-abandoned motels in the middle of nowhere. Love it!
April 23rd, 2018 at 9:19 am
An interesting poem depicting the interference of modernity and natural entity. Some of my haiku and tanka on 'desert' are as follows:
mourning
in lonely desert wind—
a widow tree
Sketchbook, Vol 6, No.1, Jan-Feb, 2011
*****
stretched desert
gentle shift of the shadow
of a lean branch
Simply Haiku, Summer 2011, Vol. 9, No.3&4
*****
desert marathon—
for a moment I look back
my footprints
Mainichi News, 7.11.20
*****
in long desert
breeze swings from
the crest to valley
I march with lonely shadow as
footprints fill the shifting sand
Chrysanthemum 12, October 2012
**** **** ****
April 23rd, 2018 at 3:55 pm
Thank you for your comments on this website. They are always interesting to me. I am not a contributing poet, just a haiku fan.
April 23rd, 2018 at 9:31 am
Don’t need adjective ‘neon’;
most motels signs are that way.
afternoon waves~~~
the falling sun
shadows the sand
April 23rd, 2018 at 10:27 am
Mike– tinywords is not a workshop site. The comments here are for reactions and responses, preferably in the form of haiku, tanka, or other short poems. Please don't use this space for critiques.
As every page on this site says, below the comments: "We encourage readers to leave responses to the poems published on tinywords. We're especially excited about responses that take the form of your own haiku or short poems, but comments are also welcome, if they are short and polite."
April 23rd, 2018 at 3:54 pm
Thank you for (repeatedly) making this comment. The negative critiques are not as interesting as the honest responses and poems.
April 23rd, 2018 at 11:43 am
I can so see this! And feel it. Wonderful!
——
the wind eemoves
all signs
tornado alley
April 23rd, 2018 at 1:51 pm
Like a shot from a Hitchcock film! The use of "scoured" is effective.
April 23rd, 2018 at 2:02 pm
Good job, Korie. Perfectly captures the metaphysical spirit of road trips and ghostly images of long-abandoned motels in the middle of nowhere. Love it!
April 23rd, 2018 at 6:15 pm
Terrific, immediately creates the transient atmosphere of a desert highway motel. Love it.
motel vacancy winking neon between dust storms
April 25th, 2018 at 9:31 am
Transported me immediately to the scene…enjoyed this!