Mike– tinywords is not a workshop site. The comments here are for reactions and responses, preferably in the form of haiku, tanka, or other short poems. Please don't use this space for critiques.
As every page on this site says, below the comments: "We encourage readers to leave responses to the poems published on tinywords. We're especially excited about responses that take the form of your own haiku or short poems, but comments are also welcome, if they are short and polite."