Sue Mill, suemill at hotmail dot com
Brisbane, Australia
I have been writing haiku for about six years. I belong to one haiku group here in Brisbane and am involved with the newly-formed Australian Haiku Society (HaikuOz for short) as Publications Officer. Here is the HaikuOz Web site.
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I, too, liked your visual haiku. But we are not suppose to use judgemental words in haiku even those with a positive judgement such as ‘gentle’.
Would you consider:
still pond
the long
curve
of the swan’s
neck
Thanks for sharing it.
WEG did you ‘judge’ the swan’s neck to be long – even without seeing it? Of course you did since its a given, but Sue is being no more ‘judgmental’ when she uses ‘gentle’ to describe the curve of the bird’s neck. The curve of a swan’s neck is gentle (unless of course it’s represented by formatted linebreaks in a haiku!)
A lovely image Sue. Very nice visual.
good, sue
Sue, I love the image you provided by the placement of the Haiku on the page. Helen
A delightful, descriptive haiku. I could see the swan’s neck. Margaret
Beautiful. =) I could almost picture a beatiful swan here.
Very nice, especially when the story of the “ugly duckling” is recalled.
morning breeze
the curve of an egret’s shadow
I, too, liked your visual haiku. But we are not suppose to use judgemental words in haiku even those with a positive judgement such as ‘gentle’.
Would you consider:
still pond
the long
curve
of the swan’s
neck
Thanks for sharing it.
WEG did you ‘judge’ the swan’s neck to be long – even without seeing it? Of course you did since its a given, but Sue is being no more ‘judgmental’ when she uses ‘gentle’ to describe the curve of the bird’s neck. The curve of a swan’s neck is gentle (unless of course it’s represented by formatted linebreaks in a haiku!)
email
Insistent pecks –
under the hatching swan hen
chikens breaking the eggs, shells
morning silence
my whispered words ~
follow the gentle curve of her breast
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humorous thought, the battle is prolonged, show not tell, be not judgemental …