with my child
on my?shoulder, I walk
in the long rain
carrying the heaviness
of shattered dreams

—

Issue 13.2 | 28 August 2013

15 Responses

  1. Ellen Grace Olinger Says:
    August 28th, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Dear Ramesh Anand,

    An excellent poem, with great emotion expressed so well.

    I wrote this a few years after my mother's passing:

    taking turns
    letting each other go
    only to learn again
    how love grows,
    Mother

    Ellen
    (Bell's Letters Poet, No. 115, Jan. 2006)

  2. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 1:06 am

    Ellen, Thanks for the appreciation. I like your tanka very much. Emotion brought out effortlessly.

  3. Marie Shimane Says:
    August 28th, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Deeply touching. When my stepdaughter died eight years ago, I wrote this:

    another July
    no new memories to add
    living on the old

  4. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 1:04 am

    Marie, thanks for the response and for sharing the common feeling through a wonderfully creafted ku. deeply touching too.

  5. kalaramesh Says:
    August 28th, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    Well done, Ramesh.
    I love your Ls 4 & 5
    _kala

  6. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 1:00 am

    Thanks a lot, Kala.
    Your continous voice to keep L5 strong in a tanka in IN haiku forum has helped me a lot!

  7. Alan Summers Says:
    August 28th, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Love the lines, and pauses:

    with my child
    on my shoulder, I walk
    in the long rain
    carrying the heaviness
    of shattered dreams

    —Ramesh Anand

  8. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:56 am

    Thanks Alan for the appreciation.

  9. AnithaVarma Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 12:50 am

    Way to go, Ramesh..

  10. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 5:42 am

    Thanks Anitha for the encouragement.

  11. sanjuktaa Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 2:54 am

    Beautiful tanka, Ramesh! Well done!

  12. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 5:43 am

    Thanks Sanjuktaa for your beautiful response. It is feeling nice to have so much great responses.

  13. Pravat Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Nicely textured poem!

  14. Ramesh Anand Says:
    August 29th, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    Thanks Pravat Sir for the appreciation.

  15. seaviewwarrenpoint Says:
    August 30th, 2013 at 12:37 am

    Like Kala, I love lines 4 & 5, Ramesh.

    Also, for me, the point where this evolves from being a description of a parent simply carrying a sleepy child and moves towards a moment of sadness is L3

    'in the long rain'

    I think the use of 'long' is effective here as a turning point. And then the end is heartbreaking.

    marion

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