I know this site likes replies with small poems but I'm unable to do that. I was hesitant before to write anything–this last season, but I do want to say I think your haiku is really fresh and creative.
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the vast west
railroad cars decouple
in the dark
—JIM KACIAN
Expansive to individual train cars being decoupled, but in the dark, where sounds may be sharper, even resonant of things in the past, from the Wild Wild West to train disasters in peacetime and in war.
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My father only told me once about the time he picked up pieces of comrades, other soldiers, and civilians, in complete darkness during WWII:
my father's war
a story of the dark
collecting its own
April 24th, 2018 at 10:38 am
Piercing !!
will they be back
east, recoupled
when sun rises
April 24th, 2018 at 10:42 am
I know this site likes replies with small poems but I'm unable to do that. I was hesitant before to write anything–this last season, but I do want to say I think your haiku is really fresh and creative.
April 21st, 2020 at 9:33 am
ditto
April 24th, 2018 at 1:51 pm
Excellent, Jim!
—-
dawn finds us
trembling
the roar of a train.
April 24th, 2018 at 8:38 pm
An interesting image. The emotion of separation in the vastness reflects the contained space (ma) in this haiku.
open ground–
I sit alone as the moon
moves away
Pravat Kumar Padhy
Publication Credit: Chrysanthemum 14, October 2013 (Ed. Beate Conrad)
*****
smooth landing
of the helicopter–
a kingfisher departs
Pravat Kumar Padhy
(from "Atoms of Haiku" Anthology)
*****
the rainbow
slowly disappears
into the sky
the stain of separation
drenches me with tears
Pravat Kumar Padhy
Publication Credit: A Hundred Gourds, 4:4 September 2015 (Ed. Susan Constable)
Portrayed as traditional haiga by Ron Moss
**** **** ****
April 25th, 2018 at 6:17 am
this sunset
a state of decoupling
far west
April 25th, 2018 at 9:28 am
I could hear the trains and taste the darkness.. enjoyed!
Anitha
April 28th, 2018 at 5:20 am
.
.
the vast west
railroad cars decouple
in the dark
—JIM KACIAN
Expansive to individual train cars being decoupled, but in the dark, where sounds may be sharper, even resonant of things in the past, from the Wild Wild West to train disasters in peacetime and in war.
.
.
My father only told me once about the time he picked up pieces of comrades, other soldiers, and civilians, in complete darkness during WWII:
my father's war
a story of the dark
collecting its own
Alan Summers
Presence issue #55 (2016)
May 3rd, 2018 at 1:23 am
I found this very amusing, Jim, but perhaps that's just my sense of humour! :)
marion